Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Survivor Marriage: Long Island

In honor of St. Valentine's Day, which is coming up, I'd like to reflect on what I've learned on this reality show called "Surviving Marriage with Milk Man."

The "Til death do you part," promise also goes for his shredded L.L. Bean pull-over that is older than our relationship.

You will watch your husband personify the veggies on his dinner plate, making them perform a risque burlesque show and wonder, was I high when I said I do?

His obsession with 7-Eleven coffee might over-ride your need to give birth... if he is driving

His calm demeanor during squabbles may cause you to hurl objects at his head.

When he starts talking about dissertation graphs involving high-stakes testing in middle schools, just nod and smile to appear like you're following.

Winning an argument is not as important as finding a way to escape the children.

A great marriage means he fears you while sleeping.

If he complains about having no clean underwear, taping boxer shorts to the outside of the front door in winter may be an effective passive-aggressive way to solve his laundry dilemma

2 comments:

jenx67 said...

those were very funny - my favorite was the one about escaping the children!!

Brenda Jean said...

BAAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh man, this is so true and so dang funny. This one especially:

His calm demeanor during squabbles may cause you to hurl objects at his head.

I hate silence when I want to argue. I hate calm. I just want him to tell me I'm right. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.

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