Thursday, February 19, 2009

Dirty Hair Picture

This post is for Brenda Jean. Here's my no makeup and dirty hair pictures. It's a SCANDAL! If you're coming over from FACEBOOK close your eyes RIGHT NOW! My excuse:

Blame it all on the little boy on my lap who doesn't realize that THERE IS NO MORE UMBILICAL CORD!

The upside to him tearing all the hair out of my head is that I won't have to worry about washing it. Don't worry Britney Spears, I understand. I'm a mommy too.

Here's the rest of the GRIMM tale: SNOW WHITE GETS NO SLEEP! I haven't had a full night's sleep in about two years. Here's the un-cut, disturbing version of the story:

Last night, Milk Man, struck by a moment of sympathy for my greasy self, made a noble announcement. Ready?!

"If the baby cries tonight, you can sleep through it, babe. I'll get up with him."

Well, I was just thrilled. What a great guy. I heard the baby screaming at 1:38 a.m. and I turned over in my bed with the biggest grin on my face. He got up, and returned to the room rather quickly. "Wow," I thought. "That was fast!" I usually end up sleeping in the little dwarf bed.

This morning I came downstairs ready to hop into the shower, until I saw baby Bigfoot, bleary-eyed and cranky in his pack 'n play. He was eating M&M's and watching reruns of The Jerry Springer Show. Apparently he witnessed a marathon of the trash starting at 1:39 a.m. this morning, when Milk Man got up to "take care" of him. Now my toddler refers to me as his "baby mama."

Even if I fall asleep daily standing up, I will never, ever let this man take care of my children overnight again. That's the whole reason why my hair is



Putz said...

wow two beautiful kids, yes two in all there no makeup beauty...lovely loeren and is it lovely bigfoort, oe can't remember the two others, only that they always line up like ducks....

Brenda Jean said...

BAAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh man, he is in so much trouble isn't he? Geesh, let's just hope your toddler doesn't retain any of the Jerry Springer shows. You look pretty dang good. Maybe you shouldn't NOT take showers more often. I feel your pain. When my kids were toddlers I not only lacked a good shower or bath, but I don't think I EVER went into the bathroom alone. Now they are older, I even get to close the door! Your day will come too:)

Anonymous said...


Elizabeth Kathryn Gerold-Miller said...

Oh you look ten times better than those bad pix of Britney! You're just fishing for compliments, aren't you!

Loren Christie said...

Yes, Elizabeth, "I'm not that innocent!... I crack the whip, everybody gonna trip just like a circus!" :)

Anonymous said...

You women with kids are always complaining. If your kids are so needy and clingy that you can't wash your hair, then don't have kids. If you're not getting a whole night's sleep, you have not trained the kid property. Running into the room every time he cries reinforces that you will do it every time and he has YOU trained. Spank his butt and put his ass to bed. If he is not wet or hungry, let him cry. He sounds very spoiled and I'm sure he is a BRAT! Your fault.

Loren Christie said...

lol harsh person.

Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.


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