Wednesday, March 25, 2009

My Life as Norman Whiskers: Life is Good

I love being a cat. If you're lucky enough to get picked up by a nice lady who feeds you meatz and doesn't send you to AL-CAT-RAZ when you get sick or scratch her furniture, you're in heaven, my friend.

All I have to do all day is just be a cat. If someone decides to give me meatz, I am not expected to send a thank you note. I do not have to remember birthdays. I am just a cat. Nothing more is required of me to be loved unconditionally. If I fake-bite my lady, she does not judge me. If I groom my rear on her dining room table she does not call me arrogant. If I try to run out the door, she does not assume I'm uncaring. After all, it's just my nature to want to explore on my own.

There is no pressure being a cat. There is no schedule book, no obligations, no one to care for, nothing to feel guilty about. If I scratch someone, it is forgiven, I have claws. If I get cheeky, it's cute. If I puke on the rug, I'm a "poor kitty." Every once in a while I can punch the dog for kicks. No one is shocked. I'm just a cat.

Life is good when you're the cat. You can't fail or even mess up, because there are no expectations. Show the least bit of intelligence and you're a marvel, an absolute genius. You can't insult, abuse, neglect, ignore, embarrass, sin, break the law, because you're a cat.

There's a lot a person can learn from a cat. Today my little governess is training me to receive a certificate in babysitting. I am watching her dolls Alana and Hiawatha right now. Hiawatha has duct tape holding her arm together, but that's not my fault. Both plastic children are pleasant. One giggles when I needle her stomach with my claws. Ma-ma used to do that to me. I'm telling these fake human children my wise thoughts in the ancient cat language of PURR as we lounge in a sunny spot on my Lady's favorite chair.

Here is my PURR song translated:

"If you're sad, little synthetic ones, stretch out in a beam of sunlight that hits the rug. God is smiling on you. He made you into dolls. All you have to do is be a doll and you're purrrfectly splendid! Life is good. "

-Norman Whiskers


Stefunkc said...

I am not a cat person but I'm suddenly wishing I WAS one. No failure, no messing up...I'd LOVE that!

SpaGirl Jenn said...

I love my kitties!!!!! The rule the roost here=-)

Elizabeth Kathryn Gerold-Miller said...

Pets and toddlers sure have the life. There are no Great Expectations to live up to. Most of what they do is considered wonderful, and if they misbehave it's considered part of their nature. My toddler and pets are all napping right now - what a life!

Bear Midnight Miller said...

I do have lots of really great napping spots. I think Hell Hound is a saint, putting up with living with a cat. I could not tolerate it. Actually I probably couldn't do anything about it so I'd have to learn to live with it. Dad says I'm afraid of my own shadow. But I wouldn't like it. Can a dog be a saint? I hope so.

Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.


Loren Christie

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