Friday, May 08, 2009
Weekend Update With Hell Hound: Now I Need A Therapist
It all starts when I catch Sargeant Whiskers on Milk Man's cell phone with someone he calls E.T. I hop outside to do my business and the next thing I know I am blinded by a foggy green light. I hear music and recognize it as belonging to the punk-grunge genre.
Then this giant dog dish hovers over me in the sky and a cockpit opens. Out pops nine inch-long nails with eyeballs, (Not the band, actual nails with faces.) They pounce on me and then I black out. Next thing I know I'm falling down, down in space. I hit my backyard stoop. Sargeant Whiskers is in my face telling me to get up.
"What happened Sargeant Whiskers, Sir?" I bark.
The cat seems disappointed. He is waving his fist at the giant hovering dog dish and shouting:
"No returns or refunds, MARTIANS!"
Then the dish whirls off into the night sky. My furry leader turns to me and says in his calm voice,
"Nothing happened Hell Hound. It was all a bad dream. Never eat a box of screws again without asking first."
I don't remember doing that, but if he says I did...Well, PETA made him a Sargeant for a reason.
I think I might be losing my mind. Sargeant Whiskers says he fears I might need to take a one-way walk to the VET. I just want to stay here and love this kitchen floor forever. Is that strange?
Dear Internet Traveler,
Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.