Saturday, July 10, 2010


Hello, odorless, non-edible device that mesmerizes humans. I am being forced to urge you to vote for me in Newsday's Cutest Canine Contest. My human mother has submitted an unapproved picture of me to the media for a chance to win $1,000. PETA, if you are reading this, please take action against my heartless owner. Imagine, using your family member, the one Mr. Hallmark has deemed "man's best friend," to win money!

H. Hound is no runway model dog. This is exploitation, Cydorgs! I'm totally outraged! I'm typing only because I fear that next I may be sent to a place where they chain you to a table and attack you with a captive Bumble bee trained to shave you bald. That's right, I overheard "This dog really needs a groomer!" earlier as I trotted into the kitchen. The groomer is a horrible place that my neighbors have barked about. Legend has it that after your hair is buzzed off they put you in a tornado box. If you survive, a seasonal bow is attached to your head and you're forced to walk to the car that way. Humiliating!

Sure, I may look fine. The web cam shows me typing on my owner's laptop with a bowl of yummy breakfast behind me. That's all staged, Cydorgs! The cat has been appointed my new physical trainer. He's calling himself Norman "Michaels" Whisker now, and EATING MY DRY FOOD!

Cyber friends, this is bull ...

"Hell Hound! Are you posting about the contest like I asked you?"

That's my owner. "Yes, mother!"


VOTE for H. Hound at Newsday's Cutest Canine Contest up to three times a day between July 24th at 5 p.m., Eastern Time until 11:59 a.m. Eastern Time, August 10th.

Click on the above link. Register at if you are not already registered, (just your email and password is required). Click on VOTE. Type in H. Hound in the search box. Click the circle next to H. Hound up to three times per day marked VOTE and then click SUBMIT.

If you'd like to adopt me, email my mother. Don't tell her I asked. PETA, contact me immediately on my cell to set up the raid of the Christie House.

Hell Hound.

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Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.


Loren Christie

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