Seeing the World Through the Lens of a 19th Century American

The best part about reading a rare, out-of-print book is that it gives a raw snapshot of everyday life, the kind that sends you researching customs and antiquated vernacular. Recently, I read Riches Without Wings; or The Cleveland Family by Elizabeth Oakes Smith. Published in New York in 1838, it was Smith’s first novel and was very popular at the time. Several editions were released under the name Ernest Helfenstein or Mrs. Seba Smith. It was originally described as a moralist novel, which is a YA novel for 19th century teens, and sold for about a dollar a copy.

Even more fascinating are the events that occurred in the author’s life that led to the penning of this story. She and her husband, Seba, were victims of The Panic of 1837. Seba Smith lost a fortune in land speculation, and the family, which included four children at the time, had to relocate from Maine to New York City, boarding in the home of Elizabeth’s cousin.

The Panic of 1837, one of the first economic crisis in the United States, resulted from the decisions of President Andrew Jackson and his administration. However, since Martin Van Buren took office just as the Panic hit, he was blamed and the crisis cost him re-election. The main reason for the Panic was the inflation of land prices and the overproduction of paper money by the banks, according to Jacksonian Democrats at the time. An executive order blocking the use of paper money for property payment added to the panic. Banks all across the country closed. According to Wikipedia.com, bank failures in New York alone added up to 100 million dollars. It took about six years for the economy to recover and interestingly, the publishing industry, Seba Smith’s livelihood, was hit very hard.

The economic downturn presented an opportunity for a 32 year old Elizabeth Oakes Smith to step out of the shadows as a writer, where formerly she was editing and contributing to Seba's magazines under pseudonyms. She started marketing her writing to help support the family and Seba was in no position to disagree. The following excerpt is from a biographical article about EOS written by editor Rufus Wilmot Griswold in 1873.

“The embarrassed affairs of Mr. Smith (who, himself a poet, partook with a poet's sanguineness of temper in that noted attempt to settle the wild lands of Maine, which proved so disastrous a speculation to some of the wealthiest families of the state) first impelled Mrs. Oakes-Smith to take up her pen to aid in the support of her children. She had before that period, indeed, given utterance to her poetic sensibilities in several anonymous pieces, which are still much admired. But a shrinking and sensitive modesty forbade her appearing as an author; and though, in her altered circumstances, when she found that her talents might be made available, she did not hesitate, like a true woman, to sacrifice feeling to duty, yet some of her most beautiful prose writings still continue to appear under nommes de plumes, with which her truly feminine spirit avoids identification.”

Riches Without Wings; or The Cleveland Family explores the meaning of wealth. EOS seems to attempt to deal with her family’s financial struggles in the fleshing out of the story. The novel provokes discussion of the question: What is real wealth? The author paints an interesting, detailed picture of a working class Victorian American family. Essentially, the novel suggests that the loss of wealth, or lack thereof, can be perceived as a blessing in that it forces one to focus on true riches, which are spiritual, not material, in nature.

“Conscience was stifled by the noisy clamor of pride and vanity; and it was not till they were hushed, that you could hear its still, small voice.” (57)

According to the author, spiritual wealth is comprised of:

-an awareness of the beauty of nature
-a cultivation of relationships – even the difficult ones
-the ability and a willingness to help others in need
-a healthy intellect
-simplicity of living which leads to true freedom
-faith in God

Elizabeth Oakes Smith's aim in writing this book is to “teach these children to love, not the things that are seen and temporal, but the things that are unseen and eternal.” (33)

In this novel, the author points out the abundant riches that nature provides to those who take the time to notice. To the Cleveland family, flowers are as valuable as currency. I really enjoyed the details of a courtship involving the Victorian meaning of flowers in this story. Today we call 1-800-flowers, but back then people gave hand-picked wild flower bouquets as presents, and each blossom carried a pointed message. Man, I love that. We need to bring that custom back.

The description of the Cleveland family cottage is so quaint and specific. It is not an elaborate floor plan, but the home is very comfortable and warm. It is a one story cottage with lush gardens in a rural setting. One large room serves as a parlor, sitting room and dining room. The kitchen is located on a porch, and two small bedrooms are off the main room. One bedroom is the master, and the other is for grandfather Cleveland who is so darn cute. The children sleep in the attic room with eaves. The children are two teens, George and Mary, and baby Edward, who is a toddler. Later in the story another brother is born. The family builds a small extension for a library room. All the neighbors visit to read there. The protagonist is Mary Cleveland, a 16 year old who is learning about the true meaning of wealth through her interaction with other girls in town. The reader follows Mary into adulthood. Although the Cleveland house is very simple, Mrs. Cleveland has a knack for bringing the beauty of nature indoors. Therefore, the reader gets the sense that the modest home is a beautiful oasis nonetheless.

“Think how beauty is lavished on every side of us, if we have but the power to perceive it.” (22)

Some incidents in the story shed insight into the personal life of Elizabeth Oakes Smith. The Clevelands witness wealthy neighbors go broke. Even more poignant is the death of the character baby Edward. After contracting Scarlet Fever and enduring an unbreakable fever, baby Edward falls into a peaceful, listlessness dying in the arms of Mrs. Cleveland. Oh, how I cried through this chapter just imagining the loss of a toddler, which was much more common in the 19th century. It brought back memories of my first son’s out-of-control Pneumonia and subsequent hospitalization. How blessed we are with modern medicine that can do so much to heal the human body. I think that we are so used to vaccines and medicines that we sometimes forget the fragility of human life. Nineteenth century people were much more aware of it.

“Many had been the bereavements of Mrs. Cleveland, but she was now called to feel the far more bitter grief of a mother’s sorrow. Mothers alone can tell how her heart yearned to meet once more the dove-like beaming of those eyes, now closed in death; to feel the little arms about her neck, and the soft lips pressed to hers in gentle caressing. An unnatural stillness rested upon the dwelling, for the cheerful prattle of little Edward, and the sound of his busy feet upon the floor, were hushed forever.” (104-105)

Mrs. Cleveland finds consolation for the loss of baby Edward in her faith. I think this chapter shows the author working out mentally her own experience of losing children. Elizabeth Oakes Smith had six sons:

Benjamin(1824)
Rolvin(1825-1832)
Appleton(1828-1887)
Sydney(1830-1869)
Alvin(1832-1902)
Edward(1834-1865)

Benjamin died as an infant. I have not been able as of yet to find out what happened to him, but maybe he contracted Scarlet Fever like the little boy in the Cleveland family. Rolvin died at age seven from an accident of some kind. I’m still searching for information in the microfilm about his death. At any rate, Elizabeth Oakes Smith was well acquainted with the horrific experience of losing a child. I think that she aspired to handle the tragedies in her life with the grace and faith of the character Mrs. Cleveland, but at times fell into a funk that is expressed in her poetry. This only makes her more human; I like that she steps out from behind the Victorian veil of perfection and suggests the truth, not for the sake of shocking others, but just to be herself.

“We must live by faith,” Mrs. Cleveland tells Mary, “in the hopes of a better world. The hopes of heaven are the highest riches- the only enduring riches.”

I loved this book. The lesson in this story is timeless and it is exactly what I need to hear 172 years later. Setbacks are not always negative in that they force us to re-evaluate our spiritual path. Sometimes when you are moving full speed ahead you get off track. What I also find fascinating is the idea that in every century people are struggling with the same ideas and hardships.

Picture is a US Whig Party poster showing unemployment in 1837 -(the father is saying: "I have no money and cannot get any work." The children are saying: "Father, can I have a piece of bread?", "I say father, can you spare some Specie Claws?", "I'm so hungry." The mother is saying: "My dear, cannot you contrive to get some food for the children? I do not care for myself." The men in blue are saying: "I say Sam, I wonder where we are to get our Costs?")

Family Guy: Lowering the Collective IQ of Americans One Show At a Time

Studies have been done examining the effects of cartoon violence on children. Research conducted by the American Psychological Association concludes that "an average twelve-year- old has seen 8,000 murders and 100,000 acts of violence on network television."

Family Guy, a cartoon aimed at adults, is a raunchy show with politically charged undertones. This show uses humor as a vehicle for persuasion. The content on Family Guy reminds me of WWII propaganda films in Nazi Germany. Maybe it is different subject matter, but it is the same idea: target groups in society and mock religions in an effort to spread a certain mindset.

How can violent, hate-filled cartoons targeting adult audiences not have a negative impact on American society? The messages in Family Guy trivialize violence and are anti-Christian. Although it seems appealingly funny, adults with character should have the wherewith all to boycott watching it.

The following summary of a recent episode mocking Terri Shiavo aired on Sunday night, March 21st at 9:00 p.m. EDT/ 8:00 p.m. CDT on Fox.

"Terri Shiavo, the Musical" is where Stewie dresses up as an electrical plug while the preschool class sings: "Only one solution, pull the plug, her brains are like mashed potatoes and she is kind of alive-o." The children who are acting as her doctor and husband say, "She is a vegetable." Another child says, "I hate vegetables!" and the audience/parents all laugh at this disturbing scene.

This episode also included:
• Peter is also naked in a large water fountain, while riding a dolphin and a dolphin licks Peter's nipple in his female boss' fantasy.
• Daughter, Meg, tells parents that she has been sexually harassed by her teacher and the parents act as if they do not care.
• A couple of characters on the show tell Peter it is ok to hit a girl when he tells them his female boss is sexually harassing him.
• Peter's boss tries to commit suicide.

-Above summary taken from Onemillionmoms.org

Several episodes of Family Guy mock Jesus.

The Sunday, August 16, 2009, 9:00 PM EDT episode of Family Guy entitled "I Dream of Jesus:"

• Mocked His crucifixion and resurrection when Peter compared Jesus' sacrifice to the trials he experienced one night that he and his buddies got very drunk.
• Belittled Judas' betrayal of Jesus when the Jesus character joked about it.
• Mocked the importance of the miracles Jesus performed when the character Jesus tripled the breast size of Peter's wife.
• Suggested that the Bible is not important to Jesus when the character Jesus asked "What Word?" after Peter said "You've returned to bring us the Good Word."
• Portrayed Jesus as a liar for denying who he was three times, out of touch for not interacting with people and a wimp for not knowing His calling.
• Compared Jesus revealing Himself to man to Chris exposing himself in school.

-above summary taken from Onemilliondads.org

I'm the first person to enjoy a good laugh, however this is not funny content. I admit that when I have control of the remote, I watch Law and Order, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Office, late-night repeats of Scrubs or whatever is on The Food Network. I know that most of these shows dance on the line of appropriate content and occasionally cross it. However, Family Guy clearly crosses that line over and over again, blatantly insulting the values and religious beliefs of many Americans. What is the creator of this show, Seth MacFarlane, thinking? What is his motive, other than to make a buck? MacFarlane is using this cartoon to spread hate under the guise of humor. He is attempting to trivialize repulsive attitudes and behavior.

If you agree that this show is disgusting, you can find out ways to protest it at Onemillionmoms.org, or Onemilliondads.org . I'd love to hear your thoughts on Family Guy.

Read more at:
Suite101: How TV Violence Controls Kids' Minds: Children's Viewing of Violent TV is Linked to Later Aggression

TV and Film Violence Study

Review of The Squire and the Scroll

In The Squire and the Scroll, author Jennie Bishop creates a parable meant to teach children the meaning of temptation and how to guard the heart from “all that is impure.” The author draws her story from Psalm 119:9 –

“How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.”

After having read Bishop’s other book geared towards girls that I loved, The Princess and the Kiss, I was eager to read The Squire and the Scroll. The message of this book seemed more geared towards boys.

The Squire and the Scroll has many positive aspects. The illustrations are beautiful and the story contains all the elements necessary to keep the attention of a child: a dragon, knights, a spooky forest and a dark mysterious cave. Bishop weaves metaphors into the plot such as the lantern, (representing God) and the scroll (representing the Bible).

The premise is that a dragon has stolen the Lantern of Purest Light, and the kingdom is silent and dark. Many valorous men go to retrieve the light and fail because their hearts are not pure enough. A young, unknown squire saves the day because he follows the teachings of the scroll.

I thought this book was just perfect until I got to the end. (Forgive me for giving away plot this time, but I have to explain what I disliked about this book.) Although it was so refreshing to see a children’s book teach young men purity, the ending disturbed me. As a reward for bringing home the Lantern of Purest Light, the King GIVES the squire his only daughter, the princess.

“Because of his bravery and his devotion to the Lantern and to the scroll, he will have my daughter for a wife and rule my kingdom one day.”

So I liked this book very much up until the king treated his daughter like property. Sure, I get it that the squire is probably the most honorable man in the kingdom, and most likely the best suitable future king, but that ending still bothers me.

I would have liked the story better if the king permitted the squire to meet his daughter, and let her fall in love with his excellent qualities on her own. So, while this story does do a good job of creating a parable about what it means to be pure of heart, the ending implies the idea that women are property.

Luckily, the princess is very happy, since she “had devoted herself to the words of the scroll as well.”

Quite honestly, this detail really disappointed me, and I wish the end was worded differently. To some my beef with this book might seem frivolous, but a few generations back women were treated like property in our society, and that was wrong. We can’t forget that. If a book is meant to teach a child morals, then it should be held to a very high standard.

I wrote this review of The Squire and the Scroll for the Tiber River Blogger Review Program, created by Aquinas and More Catholic Goods, your source for First Communion Gifts. You can purchase this book here. For more information, please visit Aquinas and More Catholic Goods. Tiber River is the first Catholic book review site, started in 2000 to help you make informed decisions about Catholic book purchases.

The Poetry of Paul Gerard Dextraze

The poetry of Paul Gerard Dextraze is the antidote to the winter doldrums. Over the past nine years he has written forty poems with the intent of passing on his creative thoughts to his grandchildren. However, through the power of the Internet, anyone can benefit from his uplifting verses.

Hope is the common theme of his poetry collection titled simply: Poet. Broken into nine categories ranging from God's glory revealed in nature to the full range of human emotions as seen from a Christian lens, Dextraze's work is infused with the spirit of Gerard Manley Hopkins, and just in time for spring. Be prepared to be surrounded (mentally) by images of daisies, butterflies, and the glorious ocean at dusk. Look closely, there's more to these images than meets the eye. Detraze creates metaphors in technicolor.

Here's an excerpt:

Morning Moon

Like a prince before the king

Supplanted now, but lingering;

Clinging to the brightening skies,

Wondering where his glory lies

It lies among the lesser lights,

When crickets greet the autumn nights,

When stars above and lamps below

Are humbled by your ivory glow.

-Paul Dextraze

In "A Northern Cardinal Visits a Fool," Dextraze points to the beauty of contrast in nature; the bright red cardinal on a snow-covered landscape acts as a red flag of hope that spring is approaching.


"Shoebox" recounts a parent's grief over the loss of a child, but ends rooted in a faith that the child lives with Christ.

"Lonely Path" is one of my favorites; it is reminiscent of the work of Robert Frost. God's love is "whispered" in the trees and surrounding nature as the speaker walks alone.

Several poems display a skillful use of personification. While "Nature's Celebration" points out the hints in nature of the hope of the Resurrection of Christ, "Darlene's Pet Goats" has more of a whimsical tone.

A reverence for nature and human life is conveyed throughout this collection, which also includes a moving poems titled "Tiny Heart," about the unborn.

Paul Dextraze's verses in Poet, are uplifting, true, and beautiful. Anyone interested in this wonderful book of poetry may email Paul at callmedex@comcast.net for the free pdf. (Mr. Dextraze was kind enough mail me a hard copy of his poetry collection. More information about Poet can be found on my friend Elizabeth's blog, The Divine Gift of Motherhood.)

Letter to Tim Bishop (D-NY) Concerning the Life Issue

I wrote to Congressman Tim Bishop concerning the life issue, and here is his response:

February 24, 2010

Dear Mr. Christie,

Thank you for expressing you views regarding abortion. It is important for me to have the benefit of your views, and I appreciate you taking the time to contact me.

I recognize the deep feelings that accompany views on both sides of the abortion debate. As a practicing Catholic, a husband, and a father, I have spent years thinking about the issue and respect the diverse opinions Americans hold on this issue.

As the Congressional representative for Eastern Long Island, I strongly believe that women in America must have the legal right to choose an abortion, with the advice of their doctors and trusted confidantes. Legislating the outcome of this decision would be an undue intrusion on the rights of women, as well as the confidential relationship between doctor and patient. Furthermore, outlawing the operation will not end the practice of abortion in America , but rather force it underground and expose women to unacceptable health risks.

I share the concerns of many of my constituents regarding late-term abortions, and have said that I would support a ban on late-term abortions if it includes an exception that encompasses the life and the health of the mother. Public laws should not attempt to overrule a doctor's professional judgment on crucial medical decisions regarding a patient's health.

I must balance a broad range of opinions when considering legislation that will affect the lives of millions across America . Please be assured that I will keep your views in mind as legislation that affects abortion policy is considered in the House of Representatives in the 111th Congress.

Thank you again for sharing your views. If I can be of further assistance, please do not hesitate to contact me. For more information and to find out about other important issues that I am working on in Congress, I encourage you to visit my website at www.timbishop.house.gov and sign up for my e-newsletter.

Sincerely,

Tim Bishop
Member of Congress

So, I wrote to Congressman Bishop again:

Dear Mr. Bishop,

It is hypocritical to say you are a "practicing Catholic" and also be pro-abortion. As a practicing Catholic, you should be doing all you are able to do in your position of political power to secure human rights for the unborn, since all Catholics are called to seek social justice.

I am happy that you say you would support a ban on late-term abortion. As a woman, I do not feel threatened by the idea of giving rights to the unborn. As it stands, a person can get an abortion for any reason at all. This is clearly wrong!! The unborn should have some protection under the law. It should not be an easy thing to do in cases where women and men feel the pregnancy is inconvenient.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Loren Christie

Review of Courageous Generosity: A Bible Study for Women

The focus of this study written by Stacy Mitch is heroic sacrifice. When I think of the term heroic sacrifice I think of Jesus, or a local high school graduate who, as a solider in Vietnam, threw his body on a grenade to save his platoon. In these big cases, heroic sacrifice means giving one’s life for one’s friends. But what does heroic sacrifice mean to me, an ordinary woman living a posh life in the United States? How do I live heroically without being miserable? Media messages tell me sacrifice makes me unhappy, and my Catholic religion tells me sacrifice is the way to true contentment. Of course I’d like to believe my religion, but honestly, I’d like to know how this can be true? Sacrifice is hard and a bummer. I’m so spoiled I consider giving up Coca Cola for forty days challenging. Am I pathetic? Well, yes, to an extent, but this study shows that I can strengthen my faith, and overcome the fears that block me from heroic love. In the opening chapter, Mitch writes:

“…sainthood demands courageous generosity. No one can be holy without it. But so much in our world and in our own hearts works against us learning to live that virtue. Today we live in a world that glorifies selfishness.” (1)

This idea that sacrifice is hard and unpleasant is the main reason I was drawn to Courageous Generosity. Mitch breaks up the study into eight lessons. The chapters take the reader on a journey throughout the Bible. A series of guiding questions outline each theme. Since I think a Bible study is a private endeavor, I’m not going to share my answers to the guiding questions. However, it is important to point out that this study is worthwhile and enlightening for two reasons.

First, the author emphasizes that as individuals on a faith journey, we need to have courage- “We must do what we ought in the face and in spite of our fears.” (2)

Plenty of times in various situations I have given in to pressure from other people and I have not followed my heart. The most frightening thing about doing what you feel you “ought” is the uncertainty of the outcome. This is precisely where faith comes in. Mitch’s study points to dozens of instances where characters in the Bible followed their hearts, always praying sincerely, and God was with them through it all.

Also, Courageous Generosity is written for women, incorporating the challenges of motherhood and married life into the study. The author shows, through multiple Biblical examples, ways in which great sacrifice led to unforeseen joy.

Overall, this is a good read for Lent. In a time of fasting, why not feast on a book that can enlighten and deepen faith? Check out Courageous Generosity: A Bible Study for Women on Heroic Sacrifice. Better yet, give it to a woman you know as an Easter gift. (Warning husbands, Do NOT give this book in place of chocolate! Tape a hollow chocolate bunny to the book and you'll have a happy wife.)

This review was written as part of the Catholic book Reviewer program from The Catholic Company. Visit The Catholic Company to find more information on Courageous Generosity - A Bible Study for Women.

Why My Letter Will be Read

I wrote in a previous post about an email letter campaign I'm starting for human rights for the unborn. This is why my letter will eventually be read if I send it every day (see video below). Here's my letter again. Won't you join me?

Dear President Obama,

Please address this question: If it is illegal to destroy an eagle egg, why in America is it legal to destroy a child in the womb?
Please reconsider your position on the life issue. It is not just a question of women's rights, it is about granting human rights for the unborn. There is room in our Constitution for both.

Sincerely,
Loren Christie
New York

Get Loud With Me

I consider myself to be a smart, educated, compassionate person. I am not naive; I am loving and hopeful. I am pro-life, and joining in the fight for human rights for the unborn does not make me feel threatened as a woman. I believe there can be an America where women and unborn babies are both respected and protected by laws. It's not women's rights vs. the rights of the unborn, it's human rights for all Americans, and we all fall into that category.

When I took my old cat Princess Leah to be put to sleep, I felt guilty. She was blind, wetting herself, bleeding from the eyes, and still I asked the vet, "Am I doing the right thing?"
He told me that I was. Then he said something that made me think of the abortion issue, although he'd never guess what was going through my mind.

"Whatever you want I have to do. If you say you want to put your cat to sleep, healthy or not, I just do it. I don't question you. It's your choice."

Isn't a woman seeking an abortion told the same thing? I thought. How horrible that the fate of millions of unborn humans is also determined with an equal amount of emotional detachment. American society, in a pro-choice, politically correct frenzy, has reduced the value of a human fetus to that of a domestic pet in this country. Some people even put pets in strollers and dress them like children. Forgive me for saying so, (I do love my pets and pretend that they talk), but strollers and raincoats for Hell Hound and Norman Whiskers?! That's stupid.

This is a profound argument in favor of human rights for the unborn:

"... in the United States we have stringent federal laws that protect not only the national bird, the bald eagle, but also that eagle's eggs. If you were to chance upon some of them in a nest out in the wilderness, it would be illegal for you to destroy those eggs. By the force of law, we recognize how the egg of the bald eagle, that is to say, the embryonic eagle inside that egg, is the same creature as the glorious bird that we witness flying high overhead. Therefore we pass laws to safeguard not only the adult but also the very youngest member of that species. Even atheists can see how a bald eagle's eggs should be protected; it's really not a religious question at all. What's so troublesome is how we are able to understand the importance of protecting the earliest stages of animal life but when it comes to our own human life, a kind of mental disconnect takes place. Our moral judgement quickly becomes murky and obtuse when we desire to do certain things that are not good, like having abortions, or destroying embryonic humans for their stem cells."

- “Imposing Our Beliefs on Others" REV. TADEUSZ PACHOLCZYK, PH.D.

Hooray for Rev. Pacholczyk. I've decided to email this idea to President Obama every day I possibly can get to a computer for the rest of his term in office. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, as the saying goes. If you'd like to help me be squeaky in this case, then join me. Here's how:

Copy the following email and paste it in the suggestion box on the White House email comments form. It will only take two minutes of your day.

Dear President Obama,

Please address this question: If it is illegal to destroy an eagle egg, why in America is it legal to destroy a child in the womb?

Please reconsider your position on the life issue. It is not just a question of women's rights, it is about granting human rights for the unborn. There is room in our Constitution for both.

Sincerely,
(Your name, state)

Here's the link to the White House email form letter.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/contact

Thank you for helping me do what's unpopular: protect the unborn.

"Have I not commanded you be strong and courageous? Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9

Sharing A Blog About Faith

I love this post about God's presence in nature and the ordinary at priest/writer Fr. Bob Traupman's blog so much that I'd like to share it:

Fr. Bob writes:
"Are we (am I?) ready to “catch” beauty on the fly or on the “drive-by”? Ready for the natural world to dialogue and dance with us? Ready when it desires to reveal itself? To surprise us / lift us out of ourselves / connect us with something beyond our self inflated (or deflated) worlds?"

Read the whole post: Catching Beauty on the Drive-By

Weekly Gratitude Post

The smooth, frozen Great South Bay, Long Island, NY is a reminder of God's presence in my hectic, rushed, distracted day.

The Princess and the Kiss Review

If my children learn anything at all from me, I really hope that they realize the sanctity of their bodies. When it comes to raising teenagers, I know as much as I did before I had toddlers. What I mean is, I'm full of theories and know absolutely nothing of the challenges I will eventually face in this phase of my kids' development. Just thinking about them entering the dating scene makes me uneasy now, although I have about eight years until that may happen with my oldest.

Of course I'm afraid for my two boys and daughter. I want them to learn to respect others, and have the self-confidence to recognize on their own when their feelings are not being respected. I want my boys to resist the media message that urges men to objectify sex, and I pray often that my daughter will know that her self worth does not hinge on physical beauty.

I was a teenager once, and I can say from that experience that the quest for maintaining purity as a young adult is a mental, spiritual and even physical battlefield. I have this idea that I have to start preparing them now, but how does a parent do that for young children? Also, how do I instill these beliefs in a way that makes them feel autonomy in the choice to seek purity as single adults?

I think I can start now by making them strong mentally and spiritually. As a Catholic I have the help of the example of the saints, especially Mary, the Blessed Mother of Jesus. My secret prayer for her intersession when I was a teen strengthened me to guard my own purity. I can teach them to have a healthy self-confidence, and give them that sense of the sanctity of their bodies through books. Also, a good foundation in religion will be a metaphorical flashlight for them when they leave the nest, so to speak. The greatest lesson I think I can give them, is the example of my own actions. My battle for purity as a teen often left me with sad feelings back then, but now as a parent, the lonely path I walked turns into a picture I can give my children with the caption, "You are strong enough to make healthy choices too."

There are books out there that can help parents of young children begin to teach them about the value of their purity. The media tells us that abstinence education is useless and idealistic, not addressing the reality of modern teenage behavior. As the director of a youth ministry program I can tell you with confidence that is a lie. When teens have adults in their lives whom they respect, they more often listen to their advice, which strengthens them to make the healthier choices. We need more adults willing to talk up the sacredness of sex if we want young people to make healthy decisions regarding sexuality. As adults, we need to recognize that the teens in our lives are watching our own actions.

The Princess and the Kiss by Jennie Bishop is a children's book that teaches about God's gift of purity. This book, which is beautifully illustrated, tells the story of a princess who is given the gift of her purity (a kiss which is kept under a glass case) at birth. Her parents imply that this a great gift, with an almost magical value. While the princess is a child the king and queen keep the kiss safe for her, but when she is grown she inherits the responsibility of guarding this gift.

There are two things that I love about Bishop's approach to this topic. One is that she establishes the great value of the kiss, and two that she allows the princess to ultimately control what happens to it. Since this story also contains a prince, it is also a perfect teaching tool for boys.

I sincerely love this children's book. Santa put it in my four year old daughter's Christmas stocking. I wrote this review of The Princess And The Kiss for the Tiber River Blogger Review program, created by Aquinas and More Catholic Goods. For more information and to purchase, please visit Aquinas and More Catholic Goods. Tiber River is the first Catholic book review site, started in 2000 to help you make informed decisions about Catholic book purchases.

Pictured above is my daughter looking at The Princess and the Kiss, and her dressed as Mary in our parish Christmas Pageant.

Christmas: Enter the Story

A little advertisement I'm happy to post!

It's Christmas: I'm Getting Good Again

I brace myself for a little holiday shopping. NOT on Black Friday, I protest that day every year because it tears apart the whole idea of Christmas and makes me want to choke on my undigested turkey. This year, I could have “stuffed my bag with blowout sales” at 5:30 p.m. on Thanksgiving evening.

Imagine me at the dinner table saying:

“Pass the yams, please, and my coat. Thanks, I have to get to Walmart.”

It’s disgusting. In addition to the media mockery of Christ’s birth, I seem to notice more rudeness everywhere I go, and I have to work extra hard to control my temper. It’s like God gives you a test at the holidays to see how mild and forgiving you can be.

Watch me score a B+ this year in Christmas Anger Management, Jesus! I know I can do it. (That’s a prayer, by the way, and I’m being realistic here.)

I go to the mall on a Saturday morning to buy gifts. That goes rather smoothly, until I get on line. To my right is a pile of stuff: bags of bows, wrapping paper and Christmas cards. The box of holiday cards catches my eye. On the front is the image of Mary and baby Jesus. It is one of the most beautiful Christmas cards I’ve ever seen. I pick the box up just to get a closer look. Then I hear:

“Uh, EXCUSE ME, that’s mine.”

Startled, I look up to find the owner of the voice. It’s this little woman with very tightly curled black hair. Her expression suggests that someone has pinched her. Her arms are full of things and she must have rested the cards on the pile because she was holding too much. I figure this out quickly, but I’m still processing her tone of voice, trying to understand why it sounds rude.

“Oh, they are? The picture is so beautiful." I mutter, handing the box back to her. She literally snatches it out of my hand and struggles to hold it.

“Yeah, well. There is only one box left.” She snorts.

I just stare at her. In my mind, cynical me is trying to break out of her chains and speak. I swallow and smile.

“That’s great. Enjoy them.” I say. There is no way I’m going to get into an argument with this stranger over her rude tone and an image of the Holy Family. I would not fight over any object in a store, ever, because it’s not important.

Wow, I did really well just now! I think, on my drive home. I passed the first Rude Holiday Encounter with flying colors. I’m going to be much calmer in rude public situations in 2010. In fact, I bet I will be so mild and peaceful that friends and neighbors will notice.

When I get home, I open my email. A friend of mine has sent me a question as part of a game.

“If you saw me in the back of a cop car, what would you think I did?”

I tell her I’d guess she was arrested for volunteering too much, (since this woman is pretty close to being a saint).

She writes back:

“That is a good one. In your case you would be in a cop car because someone tried to hurt one of your kids or husband and you went into mother lion mode and beat the stuffing out of that person.”


Hmmm. It’s seriously time to fix my image.

Above picture is Big Brother's gift inventory list- He bought presents at school for his family.

I Saw Jesus in a Pearl Jam Song

I heard a great song today on Pearl Jam's new release, and for me it was all about God's love. It fits the true meaning of Christmas so well. The album, Backspacer, is currently available online only. Click on it on my play list on the bottom of the page to listen here. These are the lyrics:


Just Breathe ------Pearl Jam

Verse 1:
Yes I understand that every life must end, aw huh...
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw huh...
I'm a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love...
Some folks just have one
Others they got none, aw huh...

Chorus 1:
Stay with me
Let's just breathe

Verse 2:
Practiced are my sins
Never gonna let me win, aw huh...
Under everything, just another human being, aw huh...
Yea, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
To make me bleed

Chorus 2:
Stay with me
You're all I see

Bridge 1:
Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
As I come clean

Verse: 3
I wonder everything
As I look upon your face, aw huh...
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, aw huh...
Nothing you would take
Everything you gave

Bridge 2:
Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
As I come clean

Outro:
Nothing you would take
Everything you gave
Hold me 'till I die
Meet you on the other side...

Go here to watch the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo-UKCxCglg

Awakening: A Nice Alternative to Twilight

In a time when bookstores are overflowing with Twilight displays, Claudia Cangilla McAdam's book Awakening is a breath of fresh air for teen readers. This religious young adult fiction novel parallels two historical periods: modern day America and Jerusalem at the time of Jesus' crucifixion. The protagonist, a middle schooler named Veronica living in a modern-day small town USA, finds herself suddenly back in time with an opportunity to save Jesus from being put to death. Once skeptical about her Catholic faith, this teen's relationship with God is renewed by the amazing journey.

Even though I have not been a teenager for quite a while, I thoroughly enjoyed this novel and will enthusiastically pass it along to teens and adults I know. Awakening is packed with religious substance. It has a love story, plus addresses difficult issues such as the death of parents and siblings, promiscuity, mother-daughter relationships, and relating to Jesus in the modern world. (Veronica's conversations with Jesus are very moving.)This book gives a fresh look at the last supper and the stations of the cross from a teen's perspective. The plot is well-planned and the symbolism is fun to uncover. A short read, at only 149 pages, Awakening makes a nice stocking stuffer this holiday season.

This review was written as part of the Catholic book Reviewer program from The Catholic Company. Visit The Catholic Company to find more information on Awakening.

Gratitude List

It's important to take time out to be mindful of the blessings in life. This week, as always, I am thankful for family, friends, health, etc. I came across this gratitude prayer today that I'd like to share with you.

My Help, My Hope Psalm 121

I lift my eyes to you

my help, my hope

the heavens (who could imagine?)

the earth (only our Lord)

the infinite starry spaces

the world's teeming breadth

All this. I lift my eyes

-upstart, delighted-

and I praise.

-Daniel Berrigan SJ

Tell me what you are thankful for...

Navigating My Interior Castle

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" Rom 3:23

For every step forward I take in understanding and growing in my Catholic faith, there are moments that put me right back at "start." Sometimes these moments are triggered by stressful events, while other instances are more interior, when I become aware of the myriad ways I fall short of expectations.

Perhaps I said and did the right thing today, handled people and situations with an outward appearance of calm and grace. That doesn't mean that I followed through with my thoughts and feelings. The truth is, I fall terribly short every minute of my life.

Quite honestly, I find it hard to be Catholic without fighting an urge to judge others. There is nothing humble about thinking my way of living is right, and other ways are wrong. I also turn the judgement on myself often. This presents me with a large moral conflict. I think it is interesting that a study of humility can turn a devoted Catholic's faith upside down.

A few weeks ago I was reading Interior Castle by St. Theresa of Avila and I was trying to place myself somewhere in the text. What I mean is that St. Theresa discusses levels of spirituality in her book. The castle is the metaphor for the soul and the rooms lead to God in the center. (Wouldn't that make a very cool Wii game?!) Anyway, St. Theresa, in speaking about our journey toward God says,

"Look at the saints who have entered the King's chamber and you will see the difference between them and ourselves."

That's when I realized where I am in my castle; I'm sitting in the lobby. Sometimes I take the stairs up a few floors, but then somehow I end up in the elevator on the way back down to the first floor again. I'm not sure if castles have lobbies, but you get my point. My spiritual journey can be likened to a frustrating dream. Is this lack of progress reflective of my intelligence? In other words, am I a moron? I don't know, maybe.

The point is, I try, and I fall short again and again to understand my religion. It was not so hard for me when I was a child. What adults told me was my moral law. I colored the picture of Jesus with the children; I stuffed envelopes for Sister Diane. My understanding of and devotion to God was so simple and certain. My children remind me of how I used to be.

When I took my daughter to the Amsterdam Theater in NYC to see Mary Poppins, and we entered the mezzanine, she looked up at the elaborate gilt plaster carved with cherubs, angels, leaves and roses, topped by a glowing golden ceiling, and said in the most certain, serious tone,

"Mommy, Jesus built this place."

My little daughter knows God much better than I do. She sees Him everywhere. Her level of humility and gratitude makes me take notes. My children, in a way, have become my spiritual teachers.

St. Theresa writes,

"let us desire that not our wills, but His will be done. If we have not progressed as far as this, then, as I have said, let us practice humility, which is the ointment for our wounds; if we are truly humble, God, the Physician, will come in due course, even though he tarry, to heal us."

In addition to trying to follow Catholic teaching, a quest for humility is at the root of my own spiritual struggle: doing work with joy, accepting suffering with gratitude, forgiving others, giving of my time, talent and treasure, loving myself as much as I am loved.

Sometimes when I open a book of prayers to a random page, the words seem to give an answer to my thoughts. This happened this morning when I read:

"Jesus, I feel within me

a great desire to please you

but, at the same time,

I feel totally uncapable of doing this

without your special light and help,

which I can expect only from you.

Accomplish your will within me-

even in spite of me."

-St. Claude La Columbiere, SJ

Prayer is from the book Hearts on Fire; Praying With the Jesuits

Picture above is by Frederic Venne.

Petition

You may be interested in signing this petition. It calls for the protection of the family and the unborn child. Click on the picture to read more.

The Pursuit of Goodness

"Indeed, in the pursuit of goodness, man can discover God's dwelling." -Pope John Paul II



For the past several months I have been publically exploring the idea of pursuing sainthood on this blog under the label "Sainthood Project Journal." This endeavor has helped to clarify my relationship with God, and I am thankful to those who encourage me to deepen my faith. This process of reading, praying and exploring the specific teachings of Catholicism has caused me to draw some conclusions about my own spiritual journey as a Catholic. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that all Christians "are called to holiness." (2013) To me, that means I'm going to try to be the best version of Loren that I can be, making the most charitable contribution of time, talent, and wealth with this one life I've been gifted with. This is what I should be striving for.


However, the idea of seeking perfection is what makes me uneasy with the term sainthood. The word saint seems to imply perfection, and I know I will never be a perfect Catholic or a perfect person in general. The saints got pretty close to being perfect by the end of their lives, and I'm not sure I'll ever get that close. My conflict is that I believe that God is perfect and humans are not. I think God made me imperfect for a reason that I cannot fully understand.

I would love to be a saint, who wouldn't? However I have to ask myself, what is my motivation? Did recognized saints, other than St. Teresa of Lisieux, ask themselves every day if they were on the road to sainthood? God, not any church or human, will be my final judge.

Do not misunderstand me; I do think striving for sainthood is an excellent goal. If people did this the world would be heaven on Earth, (if everyone's motivation was to reach a state of humility and kindness.) One's motivation in this pursuit has to be considered. Honestly, my goal in wishing to pursue sainthood is to be loved by God, to have God say when my life is over,

"Loren, good job! I am pleased."

So I think what I'm really reaching for is goodness, and trying to leave this world a saint is taking the task one unrealistic step further. It's like saying you're goal in school is to end up with a 100% GPA when your honest personal best is 95%. Rather than focus on the grade, I'm just going to learn as much as I can and leave the rest up to God.

In studying my religion I come across teachings in the Catholic faith that I struggle to understand and agree with. I still love my religion, (especially the beautiful traditions), and think it is the best fit for me spiritually. I still respect the Pope. Seeing the late Pope John Paul II say Mass at Aqueduct Raceway in October of 1995 was one of the highlights of my life. I disagree on some things. Is this heresy? I think it's just being human, and I think that's alright. I'm coming to the conclusion that God loves me the same way whether I'm trying to be a saint or landing myself in jail for hideous crimes. All humans are loved equally. God's love for me is infinite, beyond my understanding. All I have to be is Loren, and that is all God wants.

Should I be respectful? Yes. Should I pursue a study of humility? Yes. Should I try to live the Ten Commandments and the Beatitudes? Of course. Should I actively participate in my church community, getting involved and attending Mass? I think so. What this sainthood project journal has taught me is that all God wants from me is honest effort. So when I die I hope I get an "E" for effort. Either way I know I'll be loved. Most importantly, I should continue a habit of prayer. Today my prayer is like an Alanis Morisette song..."To be Loved, To be Good, To be Fine..."






Read the article: Pursuit of Goodness Is Way to Union with God, Says Pope

Weekly Gratitude List

I want to begin this gratitude list with a poem that I came across. It was written by a Confederate solider and it reflects a truly humble heart. As I was reading it I could picture this young soldier huddled in a ditch somewhere, dirty and broken from war. It really moved me. Although, unlike the author of this poem, I have been given many things that I have prayed for and I am fortunate, this is the type of perspective I'd like to keep. I think that having a mindset of gratitude will make me humble and hopeful throughout life.

I Asked

I asked for strength that I might achieve;

I was made weak that I might learn to obey.

I asked for health that I might do greater things;

I was given infirmity that I might do better things.

I asked for riches that I might be happy;

I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I asked for power that I might have the praise of men;

I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;

I was given life that I might enjoy all things.

 I got nothing that I had asked for,

but everything that I had hoped for.

Almost despite myself my unspoken prayers were answered;

I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

-poem found on the body of a Confederate Soldier recovered in Devil's Den after the Battle of Gettysburg

-Photo by Jim Lowney

This week I am thankful for:


1. a wonderful family
2. being blessed with all that I need plus more
3. fall
5. fresh pumpkin pie


What are you thankful for? Send me a comment.