
And enter into a new world.
The modern-day Athens swallows me whole.
It feels good to be absorbed.

And enter into a new world.
The modern-day Athens swallows me whole.
It feels good to be absorbed.
It seems like the stars are against me as I attempt to adhere to a jury summons. Besides the fact that I am feeling ill, with a nagging itch in my throat and a slight fever, I am also running late because I cannot find my house keys. My husband is conspiring against me, informing me at the last second that I need to stop at the gas station to put air in one tire. It turns out that my keys are in his pocket, and he is currently on the LIE heading West, the opposite direction from where I have to go today.
"Are you trying to get me jailed for not showing up for a jury summons?" I ask, holding the cell phone on speaker with one hand and stuffing a full box of tissues into my handbag with the other.
There's a pause, and then he answers, laughing, "Well, Yes."
This is how desperate he is to get rid of me when I am sick and grumpy. I snap the phone shut head to Court street.
Somehow I get to the court house on time. The jury waiting room is packed. A propaganda film starring Diane Sawyer is playing on wall-mounted flat screens.
"The early settlers had a barbaric, primitive justice system. Accused suspects were bound at the hands and ankles with thick rope, then thrown into the lake. It was believed that if the person sank, he was guilty."
The camera pans toward toothless peasants hurling a man into the water and grinning. I sit expressionless, silently struggling to keep my mucus in check with Halls cough drops. Thanks to the ever-present Swine Flu threat, my coughing fits clear a whole row of seats.
"Well, if it worked for them, why change it," I mumble, in an effort to sound outlandish and unfit to serve.
My small protest goes nowhere, prompting quiet thumbs up from some people around me, rather than getting me excused. I turn on my Ipod and tune out Diane Sawyer. Today I'm listening to the audiobook The Secret, by Rhonda Byrnes. I know I'm probably the last person on the planet to read this bestseller from 2006, but I've been saving this wicked little volume for a day just like this.
It turns out that The Secret is a very motivational book. Today, with Byrnes' help I plan to harness my energy and bend the Universe! I will start with getting out of this jury selection room, I think.
According to author Rhonda Byrnes, the secret to sucess is strongly linked to the law of attraction. The energy you send out into the Universe is returned to you, and by having an awareness of the power of thought, you can control your future.
"What ever you choose to think will become your life experience," she writes.
The book suggests that the reader start with a small undertaking. So I decide to try to move something in the room. The man seated in front of me has unusual hair. It is very thick on the top, and thin on the sides. I could swear it is a hairpiece. I close my eyes and try to levitate it. I visualize his hair lifting off his head for about five minutes. Nothing happens. I start to laugh which subsequently triggers a sneezing fit. Through the power of germs, I cause the man to turn and offer me a tissue.
Feeling guilty, I abandon my attempt to mentally move his hairpiece and look for other ways to pass the time. My stomach is starting to growl vowel sounds, so I get up and ask the lady at the front of the room if I can leave to eat something.
"Not right now, just wait a few minutes please."
This is a case of deja vu. This same scene happened to me in 1991 in a high school study hall. I sit down and devise an escape plan. The next time the lady calls out names, I will visualize my own disappearance. I will wish myself home like Dorothy in the movie The Wizard of Oz, or Samantha in the television show Bewitched. If that works, I'll clean every room in my house by twitching my nose, (since I'll be on a role at that point).
Ten minutes later the roll call begins. People are grumbling. Lunch break is twenty minutes late and they're calling a new panel of prospective jurors. I close my eyes tightly and smile. I'm thinking positive thoughts...I'm sitting at my kitchen table drinking William Sonoma brand hot chocolate with the big square marshmallows. (I don't skimp in my dreams). The role call ends and the disgruntled group files out of the room. The lady at the front closes the door behind them.
I think, "Maybe we're all going to die now. Oops! I have to retract that thought from the Universe quick! I clamp my eyes shut again and imagine myself pulling the thought up out of the ocean in a giant net."
Then I hear: "I have good news for all of you here. All the juries are selected for today. You all are excused for another six years."
People around me cheer. I open one eye slowly, then the other.
"Oh wow! The Secret works! It really works!" I shout. Bet they won't call me again ever.
Posted by Loren Christie in changing roles of women, Elizabeth Oakes-Smith
Check out my updated column about my parenting adventures at MaMaZina:
http://www.momwriterslitmag.com/Circus.htm
It's important to take time out to be mindful of the blessings in life. This week, as always, I am thankful for family, friends, health, etc. I came across this gratitude prayer today that I'd like to share with you.