My laptop is starting to scare me. Every time I look at my Yahoo horoscope, it relates to my life specifically. Today, when I check the site while eating Cheerios, I freeze mid-crunch. My fortune is: "This Weekend Will Challenge Your Assumptions."
"What is that supposed to mean?!" I shout at the screen with a mouthful of cereal. I'm not in the mood for a challenge today, nor do I feel like looking forward to one over the weekend. The worst part about reading your horoscope, or seeking out psychics is wondering endlessly about the snippet of information that you're given, which is subject to error. This is probably why God doesn't want people to seek out fortune tellers, and why the religious gift shop sells worry stones.
I go directly to my dry erase calendar board from Target, that I mounted on the kitchen wall perfectly straight without the help of a level. (Take that, 1930's Wives.) According to the calendar, nothing unusual is planned this weekend. I rack my brain trying to guess which assumption will be challenged, because I have a lot of them.
Is it personal, or work related? Does it mean Milk Man will realize that women like love notes instead of ear wax covered Q-Tips waiting for them on the bathroom counter in the morning? Maybe the kids will start playing "clean-up race" without being prompted. Then, Hell Hound will apologize for eating my wallet and hiding my cell phone in the back yard this week. Next the vet will call me and offer free bark and teeth removal surgery for her. After that I'll go outside with a rake and leaf bags, and discover cash growing on the tree limbs. By Sunday, my kids will like vegetables, and I won't have to mix pureed cauliflower in the butter that covers their toast ever again.
Thanks Yahoo, I hope you're right! If your prediction is accurate, this weekend will be GREAT!
