Seeing the World Through the Lens of a 19th Century American

The best part about reading a rare, out-of-print book is that it gives a raw snapshot of everyday life, the kind that sends you researching customs and antiquated vernacular. Recently, I read Riches Without Wings; or The Cleveland Family by Elizabeth Oakes Smith. Published in New York in 1838, it was Smith’s first novel and was very popular at the time. Several editions were released under the name Ernest Helfenstein or Mrs. Seba Smith. It was originally described as a moralist novel, which is a YA novel for 19th century teens, and sold for about a dollar a copy.

Even more fascinating are the events that occurred in the author’s life that led to the penning of this story. She and her husband, Seba, were victims of The Panic of 1837. Seba Smith lost a fortune in land speculation, and the family, which included four children at the time, had to relocate from Maine to New York City, boarding in the home of Elizabeth’s cousin.

The Panic of 1837, one of the first economic crisis in the United States, resulted from the decisions of President Andrew Jackson and his administration. However, since Martin Van Buren took office just as the Panic hit, he was blamed and the crisis cost him re-election. The main reason for the Panic was the inflation of land prices and the overproduction of paper money by the banks, according to Jacksonian Democrats at the time. An executive order blocking the use of paper money for property payment added to the panic. Banks all across the country closed. According to Wikipedia.com, bank failures in New York alone added up to 100 million dollars. It took about six years for the economy to recover and interestingly, the publishing industry, Seba Smith’s livelihood, was hit very hard.

The economic downturn presented an opportunity for a 32 year old Elizabeth Oakes Smith to step out of the shadows as a writer, where formerly she was editing and contributing to Seba's magazines under pseudonyms. She started marketing her writing to help support the family and Seba was in no position to disagree. The following excerpt is from a biographical article about EOS written by editor Rufus Wilmot Griswold in 1873.

“The embarrassed affairs of Mr. Smith (who, himself a poet, partook with a poet's sanguineness of temper in that noted attempt to settle the wild lands of Maine, which proved so disastrous a speculation to some of the wealthiest families of the state) first impelled Mrs. Oakes-Smith to take up her pen to aid in the support of her children. She had before that period, indeed, given utterance to her poetic sensibilities in several anonymous pieces, which are still much admired. But a shrinking and sensitive modesty forbade her appearing as an author; and though, in her altered circumstances, when she found that her talents might be made available, she did not hesitate, like a true woman, to sacrifice feeling to duty, yet some of her most beautiful prose writings still continue to appear under nommes de plumes, with which her truly feminine spirit avoids identification.”

Riches Without Wings; or The Cleveland Family explores the meaning of wealth. EOS seems to attempt to deal with her family’s financial struggles in the fleshing out of the story. The novel provokes discussion of the question: What is real wealth? The author paints an interesting, detailed picture of a working class Victorian American family. Essentially, the novel suggests that the loss of wealth, or lack thereof, can be perceived as a blessing in that it forces one to focus on true riches, which are spiritual, not material, in nature.

“Conscience was stifled by the noisy clamor of pride and vanity; and it was not till they were hushed, that you could hear its still, small voice.” (57)

According to the author, spiritual wealth is comprised of:

-an awareness of the beauty of nature
-a cultivation of relationships – even the difficult ones
-the ability and a willingness to help others in need
-a healthy intellect
-simplicity of living which leads to true freedom
-faith in God

Elizabeth Oakes Smith's aim in writing this book is to “teach these children to love, not the things that are seen and temporal, but the things that are unseen and eternal.” (33)

In this novel, the author points out the abundant riches that nature provides to those who take the time to notice. To the Cleveland family, flowers are as valuable as currency. I really enjoyed the details of a courtship involving the Victorian meaning of flowers in this story. Today we call 1-800-flowers, but back then people gave hand-picked wild flower bouquets as presents, and each blossom carried a pointed message. Man, I love that. We need to bring that custom back.

The description of the Cleveland family cottage is so quaint and specific. It is not an elaborate floor plan, but the home is very comfortable and warm. It is a one story cottage with lush gardens in a rural setting. One large room serves as a parlor, sitting room and dining room. The kitchen is located on a porch, and two small bedrooms are off the main room. One bedroom is the master, and the other is for grandfather Cleveland who is so darn cute. The children sleep in the attic room with eaves. The children are two teens, George and Mary, and baby Edward, who is a toddler. Later in the story another brother is born. The family builds a small extension for a library room. All the neighbors visit to read there. The protagonist is Mary Cleveland, a 16 year old who is learning about the true meaning of wealth through her interaction with other girls in town. The reader follows Mary into adulthood. Although the Cleveland house is very simple, Mrs. Cleveland has a knack for bringing the beauty of nature indoors. Therefore, the reader gets the sense that the modest home is a beautiful oasis nonetheless.

“Think how beauty is lavished on every side of us, if we have but the power to perceive it.” (22)

Some incidents in the story shed insight into the personal life of Elizabeth Oakes Smith. The Clevelands witness wealthy neighbors go broke. Even more poignant is the death of the character baby Edward. After contracting Scarlet Fever and enduring an unbreakable fever, baby Edward falls into a peaceful, listlessness dying in the arms of Mrs. Cleveland. Oh, how I cried through this chapter just imagining the loss of a toddler, which was much more common in the 19th century. It brought back memories of my first son’s out-of-control Pneumonia and subsequent hospitalization. How blessed we are with modern medicine that can do so much to heal the human body. I think that we are so used to vaccines and medicines that we sometimes forget the fragility of human life. Nineteenth century people were much more aware of it.

“Many had been the bereavements of Mrs. Cleveland, but she was now called to feel the far more bitter grief of a mother’s sorrow. Mothers alone can tell how her heart yearned to meet once more the dove-like beaming of those eyes, now closed in death; to feel the little arms about her neck, and the soft lips pressed to hers in gentle caressing. An unnatural stillness rested upon the dwelling, for the cheerful prattle of little Edward, and the sound of his busy feet upon the floor, were hushed forever.” (104-105)

Mrs. Cleveland finds consolation for the loss of baby Edward in her faith. I think this chapter shows the author working out mentally her own experience of losing children. Elizabeth Oakes Smith had six sons:

Benjamin(1824)
Rolvin(1825-1832)
Appleton(1828-1887)
Sydney(1830-1869)
Alvin(1832-1902)
Edward(1834-1865)

Benjamin died as an infant. I have not been able as of yet to find out what happened to him, but maybe he contracted Scarlet Fever like the little boy in the Cleveland family. Rolvin died at age seven from an accident of some kind. I’m still searching for information in the microfilm about his death. At any rate, Elizabeth Oakes Smith was well acquainted with the horrific experience of losing a child. I think that she aspired to handle the tragedies in her life with the grace and faith of the character Mrs. Cleveland, but at times fell into a funk that is expressed in her poetry. This only makes her more human; I like that she steps out from behind the Victorian veil of perfection and suggests the truth, not for the sake of shocking others, but just to be herself.

“We must live by faith,” Mrs. Cleveland tells Mary, “in the hopes of a better world. The hopes of heaven are the highest riches- the only enduring riches.”

I loved this book. The lesson in this story is timeless and it is exactly what I need to hear 172 years later. Setbacks are not always negative in that they force us to re-evaluate our spiritual path. Sometimes when you are moving full speed ahead you get off track. What I also find fascinating is the idea that in every century people are struggling with the same ideas and hardships.

Picture is a US Whig Party poster showing unemployment in 1837 -(the father is saying: "I have no money and cannot get any work." The children are saying: "Father, can I have a piece of bread?", "I say father, can you spare some Specie Claws?", "I'm so hungry." The mother is saying: "My dear, cannot you contrive to get some food for the children? I do not care for myself." The men in blue are saying: "I say Sam, I wonder where we are to get our Costs?")

The Poetry of Paul Gerard Dextraze

The poetry of Paul Gerard Dextraze is the antidote to the winter doldrums. Over the past nine years he has written forty poems with the intent of passing on his creative thoughts to his grandchildren. However, through the power of the Internet, anyone can benefit from his uplifting verses.

Hope is the common theme of his poetry collection titled simply: Poet. Broken into nine categories ranging from God's glory revealed in nature to the full range of human emotions as seen from a Christian lens, Dextraze's work is infused with the spirit of Gerard Manley Hopkins, and just in time for spring. Be prepared to be surrounded (mentally) by images of daisies, butterflies, and the glorious ocean at dusk. Look closely, there's more to these images than meets the eye. Detraze creates metaphors in technicolor.

Here's an excerpt:

Morning Moon

Like a prince before the king

Supplanted now, but lingering;

Clinging to the brightening skies,

Wondering where his glory lies

It lies among the lesser lights,

When crickets greet the autumn nights,

When stars above and lamps below

Are humbled by your ivory glow.

-Paul Dextraze

In "A Northern Cardinal Visits a Fool," Dextraze points to the beauty of contrast in nature; the bright red cardinal on a snow-covered landscape acts as a red flag of hope that spring is approaching.


"Shoebox" recounts a parent's grief over the loss of a child, but ends rooted in a faith that the child lives with Christ.

"Lonely Path" is one of my favorites; it is reminiscent of the work of Robert Frost. God's love is "whispered" in the trees and surrounding nature as the speaker walks alone.

Several poems display a skillful use of personification. While "Nature's Celebration" points out the hints in nature of the hope of the Resurrection of Christ, "Darlene's Pet Goats" has more of a whimsical tone.

A reverence for nature and human life is conveyed throughout this collection, which also includes a moving poems titled "Tiny Heart," about the unborn.

Paul Dextraze's verses in Poet, are uplifting, true, and beautiful. Anyone interested in this wonderful book of poetry may email Paul at callmedex@comcast.net for the free pdf. (Mr. Dextraze was kind enough mail me a hard copy of his poetry collection. More information about Poet can be found on my friend Elizabeth's blog, The Divine Gift of Motherhood.)

Review of Courageous Generosity: A Bible Study for Women

The focus of this study written by Stacy Mitch is heroic sacrifice. When I think of the term heroic sacrifice I think of Jesus, or a local high school graduate who, as a solider in Vietnam, threw his body on a grenade to save his platoon. In these big cases, heroic sacrifice means giving one’s life for one’s friends. But what does heroic sacrifice mean to me, an ordinary woman living a posh life in the United States? How do I live heroically without being miserable? Media messages tell me sacrifice makes me unhappy, and my Catholic religion tells me sacrifice is the way to true contentment. Of course I’d like to believe my religion, but honestly, I’d like to know how this can be true? Sacrifice is hard and a bummer. I’m so spoiled I consider giving up Coca Cola for forty days challenging. Am I pathetic? Well, yes, to an extent, but this study shows that I can strengthen my faith, and overcome the fears that block me from heroic love. In the opening chapter, Mitch writes:

“…sainthood demands courageous generosity. No one can be holy without it. But so much in our world and in our own hearts works against us learning to live that virtue. Today we live in a world that glorifies selfishness.” (1)

This idea that sacrifice is hard and unpleasant is the main reason I was drawn to Courageous Generosity. Mitch breaks up the study into eight lessons. The chapters take the reader on a journey throughout the Bible. A series of guiding questions outline each theme. Since I think a Bible study is a private endeavor, I’m not going to share my answers to the guiding questions. However, it is important to point out that this study is worthwhile and enlightening for two reasons.

First, the author emphasizes that as individuals on a faith journey, we need to have courage- “We must do what we ought in the face and in spite of our fears.” (2)

Plenty of times in various situations I have given in to pressure from other people and I have not followed my heart. The most frightening thing about doing what you feel you “ought” is the uncertainty of the outcome. This is precisely where faith comes in. Mitch’s study points to dozens of instances where characters in the Bible followed their hearts, always praying sincerely, and God was with them through it all.

Also, Courageous Generosity is written for women, incorporating the challenges of motherhood and married life into the study. The author shows, through multiple Biblical examples, ways in which great sacrifice led to unforeseen joy.

Overall, this is a good read for Lent. In a time of fasting, why not feast on a book that can enlighten and deepen faith? Check out Courageous Generosity: A Bible Study for Women on Heroic Sacrifice. Better yet, give it to a woman you know as an Easter gift. (Warning husbands, Do NOT give this book in place of chocolate! Tape a hollow chocolate bunny to the book and you'll have a happy wife.)

This review was written as part of the Catholic book Reviewer program from The Catholic Company. Visit The Catholic Company to find more information on Courageous Generosity - A Bible Study for Women.

A Modified 2010 Reading Resolution

Reading one hundred books in a year's time is not a realistic goal for me, even though I am constantly reading or listening to audiobooks on my Ipod. I have two weeks of January left and I don't think I can thoroughly read more than five books a month without feeling rushed. I'm looking at a few 700 page books I've picked out, and I know I can't absorb that much in less than a week. In fact, I usually give myself a whole month to read a long book. So, before I crash and burn in this New Year's resolution, I think I have to modify my goal. I'll try four books a month. That would mean 48 books in a year. I think that's a number I can handle and maybe even surpass. Also, I'm going to allow children's chapter books on my list, since I'm busy reading them to my kids at night.

So, Steena, I'm still with you, and I hope you'll forgive my modification. Visit my blogger friend Steena Holmes at Chocolate Reality.

Join other bloggers as they attempt to read a whole lot of books in the year 2010. Sign up for the challenge at this great book blog:
i-kaye-book-blog

I welcome your suggestions on what I should read next. The list below is a work in progress. It shows my completed books starting from January 1st 2010:

1. Teacher Man by Frank McCourt (loved it, and I consider his writing modern classic lit.)
2. Hotel of the Saints by Ursula Heig (interesting short stories about sad, lonely people, liked it)
3. The Poe/O. Henry Prize Stories 2009 -edited by Laura Furman (best stories of 2009, excellent writing)
4. A Reliable Wife- Robert Goolrick (raunchy commercial literature, but I liked it.)
5. My Father, Maker of Trees: How I Survived the Rowandan Genocide - Eric Irivuzumugabe (a gripping faith story, liked it)
6. Evangeline - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (beautiful 157 page poem, classic lit. I liked it.)
7. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins (a great classic that put A Reliable Wife to shame)
8. Lighthousekeeping - Jeanette Winterson (excellent writing- poetic, made me think, I liked it.)
9. Comfort and Joy: Simple Ways to Care for Ourselves and Others- Colette Lafia (nonfiction self-help, good, gave me an idea for a short story)
10. The Power of Self-Esteem- Wally Amos (non-fiction, self help, a quick, uplifting read)
11. The Bell Jar- Sylvia Plath (horrible, sad, but what an amazing voice)
12. Family- The Ties That Bind and Gag- Erma Bombeck (She's a pro at the humor essay)
13. Charles Dickens- a biography by Michael Slater (really good- explored link between his life experiences and the details in his works)
14. Wisdom For Everyday Life From the Book of Revelation - Fr. Richard Veras (interesting! liked it)
15. The Faith Club by R. Idliby, S. Oliver and P. Warner- (A book about a Christian, a Muslim and a Jew who meet to learn about each other's religions and find common ground. I liked it until the Christian co-author specifically attacked the teachings of the Catholic church. After that the book lost all its validity for me as an open discussion on faith perspectives. I liked the concept of this book, but the attack on my own faith went against the whole point of the project.)
16. Riches Without Wings; or The Cleaveland Family by Elizabeth Oakes Smith (Beautiful and interesting Victorian family saga- LOVED it)
17. The People Code by Dr. Taylor Hartman (very interesting, about understanding personalities)
18. Just Wait Til You Have Kids of Your Own by Erma Bombeck and Bil Keane
(I love Erma Bombeck! Her work is getting dated now because of technology, but it is still so funny. She's a master humor writer.)
19. U Got 2 Love by Fr. Stan Fortuna ( I enjoyed this book, its about unconditional love and forgiveness.)
20. Resisting the Devil by Neal Lozano (fascinating book! ... about dealing with mental demons such as addictions)
21. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (very well-written and entertaining) saw the movie and liked it more.
22. Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill (a gruesome, painful read written by the son of Stephen King. I never liked the protagonist, but the change in him by the end of the book interested me very much. Despite the gore, I had to see how it ended, so I guess this book was good.)
23. The Road by Cormac McCarthy (great book, amazing writer)
24. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson (excellent story, great writing)
25. 1984 by George Orwell (I forgot how great this book was.)
26. The Stone Boudoir by Theresa Maggio (an interesting memoir that takes you all over Sicily)
27. Tinkers by Paul Harding (amazing writing. won the pulitzer Prize in 2009)
28. S.S. Carinthia: A Cruise into Disaster (a book by a local author whom I met through my job. intersting local historical fiction)
29. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens (I read this one every year. one of the greatest stories ever written, I think)
30. Beautiful Disaster by Laura Spinella (a well-written romance novel)

2010 Reading Challenge

Join me, Steena Holmes at Chocolate Reality, and other bloggers as we attempt to read 100 or more books in the year 2010. Sign up for the challenge at this great book blog:

i-kaye-book-blog

I welcome your suggestions on what I should read next. The list below is a work in progress. It shows my completed books as of January 1st 2010:

1. Teacher Man by Frank McCourt (loved it, and I consider his writing modern classic lit.)
2. Hotel of the Saints by Ursula Heig (interesting short stories)
3. The Poe/O. Henry Prize Stories 2009 -edited by Laura Furman (best stories of 2009)
4. A Reliable Wife- Robert Goolrick (raunchy commercial literature)
5. My Father, Maker of Trees: How I Survived the Rowandan Genocide - Eric Irivuzumugabe (a gripping faith story)

Why Frank McCourt is my Teacher Man

In years to come I will probably recall very little about the year 2009, except for the loss of one of the greatest writers I've ever seen. I'm talking about the passing of writer/teacher Frank McCourt, and here's why he's great.

1. Voice - When I hear one of his books read aloud I immediately recognize his style. He is conversational, fluid, and effortlessly funny.

2. Style- I'm fascinated by the way he writes dialogue. He slides it into the paragraphs seamlessly without the use of quotes. How does he do that?

3. Truth- Here's a guy who is not afraid to let you watch him squirm in his memoirs and stumble his way through his spiritual journey as a Catholic. He was a great teacher who thought he was horrible. There is bravery in his transparency and a genuine sense of humility.

4. His "Irish Rap" (watch the U-Tube video below)

Known best for his Pulitzer Prize-winning novel Angela's Ashes, McCourt was an English teacher in New York public schools for thirty years prior to his writing success. I wish I could have read Teacher Man, his third book, when I was new at the profession, but it was not published until 2005. In it McCourt captures the feelings and struggles of every classroom teacher.

I love this book as much as Angela's Ashes because it resonates with me on several levels, being a former English teacher, a Catholic and a New Yorker. His experiences in the classroom and the humorous ways he reflects on his interaction with students is so enjoyable to read.

In the late 1990's, when my husband was an undergraduate student in college, he saw Frank McCourt lecture and gave me a signed copy of Angela's Ashes. On the front page the author wrote,

To Loren,
Teaching makes a difference!
Frank McCourt

I'm sure that my husband told him that I was a new teacher at that time. The written message seemed cliche until I finished reading Teacher Man. Throughout the book, McCourt feels like he is a failure, despite how hard he works to be a good instructor. Teacher Man should be required reading for college students taking education courses. This book is more helpful than my entire student teaching experience. McCourt dissects the day-to-day challenges of the classroom like no adolescent psychology, or methods of education textbook can.

Here is an excerpt:

"A hand. So, mister. Wass you name?
I write on the board MR. McCOURT, and pronounce it.
Hey Mister, You Jewish?
No.
Alla teachers in this school Jewish. How come you not Jewish?
I don't know.
They look surprised, even astonished, and the look travels the room. The look says, You hear that Miquel? Teacher up there, he don't know.

It's a hot moment. Teacher confesses ignorance and the class is shocked into silence. Off with the mask, teacher man, and what a relief. No more Mister Know-It-All." (130)

Teacher Man shows McCourt's thought process through every challenge a teacher faces, from the classroom bully to interactions with his bosses. McCourt says he did not write books while he was working because he did not have the time. So he leaves us only with three that he wrote in retirement: Angela's Ashes, Tis and Teacher Man. Three memoirs and his voice lives forever, that's great writing.

Below McCourt talks about his teaching career...

Awakening: A Nice Alternative to Twilight

In a time when bookstores are overflowing with Twilight displays, Claudia Cangilla McAdam's book Awakening is a breath of fresh air for teen readers. This religious young adult fiction novel parallels two historical periods: modern day America and Jerusalem at the time of Jesus' crucifixion. The protagonist, a middle schooler named Veronica living in a modern-day small town USA, finds herself suddenly back in time with an opportunity to save Jesus from being put to death. Once skeptical about her Catholic faith, this teen's relationship with God is renewed by the amazing journey.

Even though I have not been a teenager for quite a while, I thoroughly enjoyed this novel and will enthusiastically pass it along to teens and adults I know. Awakening is packed with religious substance. It has a love story, plus addresses difficult issues such as the death of parents and siblings, promiscuity, mother-daughter relationships, and relating to Jesus in the modern world. (Veronica's conversations with Jesus are very moving.)This book gives a fresh look at the last supper and the stations of the cross from a teen's perspective. The plot is well-planned and the symbolism is fun to uncover. A short read, at only 149 pages, Awakening makes a nice stocking stuffer this holiday season.

This review was written as part of the Catholic book Reviewer program from The Catholic Company. Visit The Catholic Company to find more information on Awakening.

How Rhonda Byrnes Got Me Out of Jury Duty

It seems like the stars are against me as I attempt to adhere to a jury summons. Besides the fact that I am feeling ill, with a nagging itch in my throat and a slight fever, I am also running late because I cannot find my house key. Add to this not-funny-moment a joking spouse.

It turns out that my keys are in my husband's coat pocket, and he is currently in his car driving somewhere in Brooklyn, a good hour away from home.

"And you have to stop at the gas station to put air in the left front tire," he adds.

"Are you trying to get me jailed for not showing up for a jury summons?" I ask, holding the cell phone on speaker with one hand and stuffing a full box of tissues into my handbag with the other.

There's a pause, and then he answers, laughing, "Well, Yes."

This is how desperate he is to get rid of me when I am sick and grumpy. I snap the phone shut head to Court street.

Somehow I get to the court house on time. The jury waiting room is packed. A propaganda film starring Diane Sawyer is playing on a wall-mounted television.

"The early settlers had a barbaric, primitive justice system. Accused suspects were bound at the hands and ankles with thick rope, then thrown into the lake. It was believed that if the person sank, he was guilty."

The camera pans toward toothless peasants hurling a man into the water and grinning. I sit expressionless, silently struggling to keep my mucus in check with Halls cough drops. Thanks to the ever-present Swine Flu threat, my coughing fits clear a whole row of seats.

"Well, if it worked for them, why change it?" I mumble, in an effort to sound outlandish and unfit to serve.

My small protest goes nowhere, prompting quiet thumbs up from some people around me, rather than getting me excused. I turn on my iPod and tune out Diane Sawyer. Today I'm listening to the audio book The Secret, by Rhonda Byrnes. I know I'm probably the last person on the planet to read this bestseller from 2006, but I've been saving this magical little audio book for a day just like this.

It turns out that The Secret is very motivational. Today, with Byrnes' help I plan to harness my energy and bend the universe! I will start with getting out of this jury selection room, I think.

Byrnes says the secret to success is strongly linked to the law of attraction. The energy you send out into the universe is returned to you, and by having an awareness of the power of thought, you can control your future.

"What ever you choose to think will become your life experience," she writes.

The author suggests I start with a small undertaking. So I decide to try to move something in the room. The man seated in front of me has unusual hair, thick on the top, and thin on the sides. I imagine it is a hairpiece and closing my eyes, I try to levitate it. I visualize his hair lifting off his head for about five minutes. Nothing happens. I start to laugh which subsequently triggers a sneezing fit. Through the power of germs, I cause the very nice man to turn and offer me a tissue.

Feeling guilty, I abandon my attempt to mentally move his hairpiece and look for other ways to pass the time in this federal meditation room. My stomach is starting to growl vowel sounds, so I get up and ask a court employee at the front of the room if I can leave to get a bite to eat.

"Not right now. Just wait a few minutes please," she says.

I could swear this moment is a case of deja vu. This same scene happened to me in 1991 in a high school study hall. I sit down and devise an escape plan. I think:

The next time last names are called, I will visualize my own disappearance. I will wish myself home like Dorothy in the movie The Wizard of Oz, or Samantha in the television show Bewitched. If that works, I'll clean every room in my house by twitching my nose (since I'll be on a role at that point).

Ten minutes later the roll call begins. People are grumbling. Lunch break is twenty minutes late and they're calling a new panel of prospective jurors. I close my eyes tightly and smile. I'm thinking positive thoughts...I'm sitting at my kitchen table drinking William Sonoma brand hot chocolate with the big square marshmallows -I don't skimp in my dreams! The role call ends and the disgruntled group files out of the room. A lawyer closes the door behind them.

My next thought is:

"Maybe we're all going to die now. Oops! I have to retract that thought from the universe, quick!" I clamp my eyes shut again and imagine myself pulling the thought up out of the ocean in a giant net.

Then I hear: "I have good news for all of you here. All the juries are selected for today. You all are excused for another six years."

People around me cheer. I open one eye slowly, then the other.

"Oh wow! The Secret works! It really works!" I shout. Bet they won't call me again ever.

An Outstanding Book

I just finished reading a book called The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, Traitor to the Nation, Volume 1: The Pox Party, written by M.T. Anderson. There are several reasons why I love this book, and plan to read volume 2. If I were still a teacher, I'd have my students read it.

It is a fictional slave narrative that draws on real events and actual practices. Personally, I'm fascinated by slave narratives. The extent to which the human spirit is pushed in this horrible circumstance, and the amazing strength that victims of slavery demonstrate captivates me. I was surprised to find out that it is considered a Young Adult novel, because the references to literature and history are challenging and multi-faceted. I was reminded of certain works of Edgar Allan Poe and a great poem by Paul Laurence Dunbar called "We Wear the Mask" while reading. An adult can appreciate this novel. The depiction of dueling opinions of that time is exceptional. The character, Mr. Sharpe, gives great insight into Utilitarian thought, (and he is quite a psycho).

Plus, this novel is so well-written; it was a very enjoyable read. Did I mention that I love this book? Anyway, if you are into historical fiction, pick it up. Here's my favorite line:

"At long last, you may no longer distinguish what binds you from what is you." (314)

This sentence applies to all types of slavery, not just the physical.

Above is a picture of the cover.

Little Things

Restless. This word defines me often. Although I can usually drown this feeling in daily activities, it always surfaces near a shelf of books.

No matter where I go in the world I end up searching for a new bookstore, subconsciously seeking some literary treasure that I never can find. When I was a baby, my parents had enormous pine bookcases that I would spend each day climbing, tossing paperbacks until I had transformed the topography of the living room floor. I could not read; I barely knew the alphabet, but I liked scaling the bookcase, and I loved books. So, my early days were spent in the most fantastic adventures at the expense of my mother, who had to clean up the mess each night after I was in bed.

If I were stranded on a desert island, I'd search for a castle with a large library, or a shopping mall with a Barnes & Noble. Poor Milk Man knows. He loses me for hours in the book store. Just last week we were there and he called me on my cell phone to find me. I was sitting on the floor of the writing reference aisle, surrounded by a pile of how-to books, completely consumed in a search.

He dragged me off my literary mound and we took the escalator to the second floor for coffee. Something profound happened as we ascended to the children's section. As I looked down, the people, books and shelves got smaller. It reminded me of how the world looks from an airplane.

I Was Amelia Earhart by Jane Mendelsohn is a great book. In it the author imagines Earhart describing an atmosphere that exists above reality, that can only be reached by plane. In this space people can pause from the restless pulling of life's trivialities and take a broader look at their existence. Amelia spends days in the air, and calls that time the in between.

"There are times in life, after a death of some kind, when we are open to the slightest shifts, when our powers are acute, when we can change the future," writes Mendelsohn.

I thought about this book once when I was on a plane to Chicago. I was thinking about some personal issues that were difficult, and awkward. Then I looked out the window. How much smaller my world looked. I imagined the objects in my home on a one inch scale, like the little doll house I built for my daughter. I thought, "My life looks so silly from 30 thousand feet up." My dad used to call it "going up to the balcony to watch your life."

With the start of a new year I have to remember this little revelation because it puts things into perspective. Also, I think it's important that I keep climbing the bookshelf, although now it's a figurative one, until my restless search ends.

"One resolution I have made, and try always try to keep, is this: To rise above the little things." -John Burroughs