Saturday, September 27, 2008

Weekend Update with Hell Hound


Now that the Christie pack is not looking I can type on this here non-edible television device that mesmerizes humans for a minute. Today I was looking at Alpha dog, my mother, and seeing my reflection in the shiny box that makes the food smells when I realized that we don't look alike. In fact, none of the other pups in this house look anything like me.

According to a creature who fights battles for animals, PETA, whom I met on GOOGLE while Alpha Dog was in the bathroom, I'm mistreated around here. I'm fed up with having my toys taken away daily and getting kicked in the tail by the short, feisty pup who feeds fake food to her plastic play children. Plus, my recent reconnection via this blog with my long lost brother, Roscoe Dog, has inspired me to escape from this pack of Christies. PETA asked me to join him in his fight for animal rights and after I rescue Roscoe Dog at the Wantagh Animal Shelter, I plan to find PETA and enlist.
I'm searching around for something called a "jump drive." It looks like a little plastic chew stick, except it is not beef flavored. My plan is to take it and run to Wantagh. Then the one Alpha Dog calls Milk Man, who does not share breakfast sandwiches, will chase me there and see Roscoe. He is a sucker for me and I know he will take Roscoe home. Thus, I will have saved a life. This will be a good action to put on my resume when I join PETA in the battle for animal rights. Goodbye, odorless non-edible television device that mesmerizes humans, wish me luck!

Hours Later...

Unfortunately, I'm back. The Christies have left the house for a while to hunt for meat. As I'm sure you can guess, I am terribly disappointed that my plans to escape were foiled. When Milk Man came in the door with the breakfast sandwiches, I ran through his legs and down the street with the jump drive. I was looking for the highway, but made a wrong turn. I found myself on a giant lawn with many rounded stones to lift my leg on. The stones had names of packs on them. I was running like crazy to find the exit when I encountered a pirate cat who swore at me, and smacked me in my snoot. Then Milk Man found me and pulled me home again by the ear. The morning was almost a complete failure until I got into the kitchen. The pups knocked over some orange juice to distract Alpha Dog. That's when I spied two egg sandwiches on the counter, left unattended. I finished them off, but now I'm too tired to rescue Roscoe and join PETA. Oh, well, I'll have to rethink my strategy next week. Now I will click on "PUBLISH POST" and go back to watching Animal Planet on my giant couch. Life is still GOOD.


-HELL HOUND

2 comments:

Roscoe Dog said...

Hell Hound,
You lousy Dog! I can't believe you're letting me die for two egg sandwiches. I disown you. Have you seen the movie, "Pet Cemetery?" I'll be back!!!- Roscoe Dog

Elizabeth Kathryn Gerold-Miller said...

Congratulations! I have nominated you for the I Love Your Blog award!

Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.

Fondly,

Loren Christie

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