Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

It’s day one of Rosh Hashanah and Milk Man has the holiday off from work. He’s driving me insane. I can’t wait for this husband to go back to school, I mean work. (He works in a school.)The kids have finally fallen asleep and we have the evening all to ourselves. Sounds romantic? Oh, it is. We’re eating chicken quesadillas in front of the television and fighting over the remote control. It’s the Battle of the Favorite Shows. He wants to watch “Heroes,” and I’m right in the middle of SpongeBob SquarePants: “Super Acquaintances to the Rescue.” So we settle on one of those CSI detective shows. When I go to bed, visions of pole dancers, dead bodies and psychos torturing people are dancing through my head. Now, that’s entertainment!

The next thing I know it's five in the morning and baby Bigfoot is crying at the gate in his room, demanding release. I turn to Milk Man and whisper, "I'll be your best friend forever if you get up this time and get him a sippy cup." Grumbling, he acquiesces. I sleep for another hour with a smile pasted on my face. When I get up, the baby is in the pack n play watching "Morning Joe with Joe Scarborough" on MSNBC with his older brother, who is on the couch eating cookies. Good job, Milk Man. I try to duck behind the kitchen wall, but big brother sees me.

"Mommy, John McCain really took a bath last week, but he still has my vote," he announces. Groggy and confused, I suspect that I might be still asleep. I glance at the kitchen table. Abe Lincoln and a beaver are not sitting there, so I must be really awake. Milk Man comes in holding the baby. He passes him off to me. "Honey, I think his diaper has to be changed. He really smells." I stand there, staring. I put my hand behind my back and start scratching. "What are you doing?" Milk Man asks. "I'm trying to erase the sign that says: "Official POOP CHANGER. Why do I always have to change him? You know where the diapers are." He carries baby Bigfoot upstairs, grumbling again. This time he's audible. He's wishing he were back at work where life is easier. I smile to myself, secretly enjoying his realization, wondering exactly when it was that I became evil.













--Milk Man and I during a moment of marital bliss, (Fall, 2008).