Friday, October 10, 2008

How to Be a Maverick Vice Presidential Candidate, By a Beautiful, Beautiful, Princess

Hello. I am the princess of this house. I am not the boss or the queen, that is my mom. However, I am a citizen of the United States with six lovely, sparkling dresses and a magical wand, so I am qualified to run for Vice President in this country. To inspire other strong women to follow me in my Tinkerbell slippers, I have written these tips with my purple crayon on mommy's kitchen wall.

1. Write a snappy, sarcasm-filled speech to give during the election. Your ability to sing the alphabet without help, and knowledge of Disney characters should shine through. Never ask disabled senators to "stand up" in front of an audience of their peers! Talk about foreign policy a bit and what Libby Lou Girl's Spa can do for style-impaired little girls in your country.

2.Prepare several construction paper drawings to hang throughout the nation. Your picture and name should be prominently displayed so that everyone reading them knows who is the fairest of all. Get on stage with all of your baby dolls, because that will make my mommy vote for you.

3. Introduce new forms of energy, like the power that can be harnessed from the hot air in my dad's rambling speeches. Seek out other windbags, such as Senator John Kerry, to help reduce our reliance on foreign oil.

4. Don't worry about the fact that you were only born three years ago. Keep the waiting lobbyists busy with coloring books, and play dough. Just be cute, and be sure to get photographed hugging trees or high-fiving the opponent.

5. Don't hit, spit or bite when ri-dick-oo-lus boys on the political playground call you bad names like "pigtails with lip gloss." Stick close to your brother and emphasize his record of being a tough rack-aroni, plain, not cheesy. That's the type of homegrown politics this country needs right now.

I have been a maverick in the Christie household, writing apple-juice stained letters to Target managers urging them to keep selling Little Mommy Cuddle 'n Coo dolls. In my big girl bedroom, I let all my babies enjoy their right to freedom of religion. If they want to cry "Islam is great," or "Pork is evil" or "Mama, I don wanna go to Michael Jackson's house" or "Catholics rock!" That's their business.

I will continue to fight for the rights of children everywhere, and I promise you, if I am elected Vice President of these United States, I will not let the Democratic pediatricians remove pork hot dogs from our public school menus. That, my friends, is simply un-American.

Vote Princess/Big Brother '08 in our blog poll. Thank you for your support.


Romy and Andrew said...

Princess, you've got three votes in this house!

Elizabeth Kathryn Gerold-Miller said...

Little princess, you're a born politician! Too bad princesses don't have to be elected. I'm sure you will make great inroads for your royal country

the princess said...

Yay! Thank you, loyal peasants!

Milk Man Said... said...

Photo looks like a trailer form the Blair Witch Project. Princess is a qualified candidate...However, expect an October surprise. A major scandal... Headline reads, "Vice-Presidential Candidate Princess still plays in pack and play...does she have the experience for this office?"

Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.


Loren Christie

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