Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Hell Hound's Holiday Week Update: Why I Didn't Get a Rose This Week From Obama

Hello, odorless, non-edible device that mesmerizes humans. Sadly, I was voted off as America's Next First Pet this week after an incident that was totally NOT my fault.

First of all, how was I supposed to know that the flag an agent waved in front of my snoot was actually Mrs. Michelle Obama's favorite dress? You see, they were testing me, but the test was unclear and therefore, invalid. What I saw was the red and black diagonally striped Flag of Anarchism, and I immediately thought: "This is a test of your patriotism, Hell Hound. Act like a bull in the Red Room." So I charged, and ripped that Communist symbol to shreds.

The next morning I'm standing with all the other puppy candidates and President Elect Obama starts handing out roses to the puppies who made it past round one. He comes up to me and says:

"I'm sorry, Hell Hound. You are not in the running to be the next First Pet."

Then I had to pack my things and leave immediately for the D.C. Zoo. The Secret Service gave me a very informative book written by Kira Freed to pass on to the Christies. It's called White House Pets. The section on Pets That Couldn't Stay is highlighted.

I really think that overall, this experience was a complete violation of my civil rights, being that, on page 9 of White House Pets it states that President Theodore Roosevelt had a pet Flying Squirrel that he let climb on him. Everybody knows that squirrels belong to Al Kaida, so what's wrong with a cute, little Hell Hound?!

Looks like the Secret Service is making me a scape-dog, nevertheless. Such is life. You just can't trust the government anymore. Sorry Alpha Dog. I will never register as a Democrat and vote illegally again. Will you and the Christie Pack take me back into your loving and endlessly forgiving home? Pick me up at the D.C. Zoo. Thank you.
-Hell Hound
Look at these pictures, Readers, and tell this color-blind dog she's wrong. I think NOT!


Bear Midnight Miller said...

That is really not fair. Most humans make up really dumb rules. Why don't you just be a good dog and stay with the Christies? When you get old like me you'll find out there's no place like home.

Hell Hound Dog said...

Because Lover Bear that would be so freakin' boring.

Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.


Loren Christie

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