Saturday, November 08, 2008

Hell Hound's Weekend Update: Betrayed by PETA

Hello, orderless, non-edible television device that mesmerizes humans. I'm having a bad weekend already. PETA found out I was accepting live chicken snacks from blogger fans, and he cut his ties with me forever. This means I will never be able to join the war against the mistreatment of CERTAIN animals like myself. I wrote a letter of protest that I'd like to share with you.

Dear PETA,

I do not understand why you are angry at me for eating live chickens. EVERYBODY knows that chickens are not dogs or humans; they are food. Even the smiley clown on television turns them into nuggets and feeds them to children who play sports. (I'd like to bite his big nose off.) How was I supposed to know that you've declared him to be an infidel along with the old white guy who runs an anti-animal food organization called the KFC? If you think those guys are bad, you should see what the humans in my house eat. They keep your precious chickens' body parts all hacked up in the freezer. Some human named Perdue sends the parts. I think he's related to that guy Jeffrey Dahmer. I think we should expose this HUMAN conspiracy, if you plan to point fingers at dogs.

As far as I'm concerned, I promise to try not to eat chickens anymore when I see one close by, although I wholeheartedly stand by my belief that they are snacks. Thank you for considering my membership in the PETA army.


Hell Hound

Well, what do you think? I was laughing my arf off at first when I got the formal letter from PETA attacking my actions against chickens, but then I thought about it and realized I really need him on my side to save me from Alpha Dog. Every day she's inflicting the muzzle torture on me when I help myself to yummy kills on her counter. This morning there was a rack of ribs from a pig, MY FAVORITE! Oops, sorry PETA. I mean I hate that! I had to eat it, though, just to maintain my reputation as a Hell Hound. I don't want Alpha Dog to get suspicious if I'm too good. I'm planning my next escape soon, and then I will find PETA and my crusade for CERTAIN animal's rights will begin!

I adopted this cyberduck, (above), to prove to you PETA that I have changed. -Hell Hound


Bear Midnight Miller said...

I won't eat a dinner I have to catch but love just about anything my person is willing to let me have. Today I was really good about letting a rabbit into our house but later took it out on these terrific cow bones my people gave me.

Hell HOund said...

COW BONES! WOW! I'm comin' over right NOW!

Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.


Loren Christie

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