Hello odorless, non-edible television device that mesmerizes humans. The good news is that the First Family Elect is interested in me, HELL HOUND, as a possible new puppy candidate. The bad news is that first I have to go through some vigorous background checks with the CIA in D.C. (Good thing I'm a registered Democrat.) I kissed Alpha Dog goodbye this morning, and although I often dream about shredding the contents of her underwear drawer, and chewing her left hand off, I think I'll miss that crazy biatch.
However, I'm on to bigger and better things, as I set out to build my legacy as first dog. I plan to redefine the position of White House Pet. I'll be like the Hillary Clinton of first dogs. Stay tuned...