Vision

I'm starting to see where I'm going in life, if that's possible. When I was younger I had certain ideas as to what I might become, both personally and professionally. In high school I had particular teachers whom I admired for different reasons. Gazing at them I could envision my adult life being very similar. My teachers, ironically, advised me NOT to become one myself. I, however, lured by the prospect of immersing myself and a captive audience in the details of classic literature, did not listen. So I became a high school English teacher for a while, despite the warnings. After some practice, I can say with certainty that this is a job I can do well, but I've also learned, as the Cat in the Hat says,

"That's not all I can do, oh, no, that's not all."

Writing is something I've always been driven to do, more so than other hobbies. I have a box of diaries from when I was growing up. I suppose it's an outlet. In college I'd enter a literary magazine contest each fall, in hopes of winning some extra cash to spend on Christmas presents. Every year, I'd win something, and I realized I could probably write for a living as an alternative career, if I chose it.

Personally, I had a secret goal first for family, children specifically. Making family a priority over my personal career goals, as scary and uncomfortable as that was, I admit, revealed to me other life opportunities. For example, youth ministry has been a way to meld my excitement for teaching with the chance to give teens the gift of strengthening their faith. Through this experience, I've learned that spiritual development is far more important than academic development, because it bolsters one's perseverance and endurance. I would not have had an opportunity to do the work I currently do (in youth ministry) if I did not leave teaching to raise children.

When I was a child my father lectured me a lot, and strangely, I enjoyed it. In fact, when I grew up and moved away from my parents, I missed those lectures. One of his little talks involved perspective. He said that we can only see so much in life, and that some aspects are blocked from our sight. He compared it to looking down the cardboard tube that is left after all the paper towels are used up. He explained that only God can see the whole picture, and that's where faith comes in on the part of humans.

Like he explained, it seems that I go through life with some invisible handicaps. Despite this lack of vision, I'm beginning to see threads in my life. I can see links between my strengths and talents, and ways that I can use those gifts on my journey. I'm not sure what I will do next, as my children pass out of diapers and I gain more freedom again, but I am certain that it will be very fulfilling. As long as I stay open to opportunities, and keep focused on my strengths, then inevitably I will make choices that lead to my growth.

As a new year begins I try to focus on this vision that I've been chiseling out for myself. Slowly, some form is realized. I hope that when my journey is over that I will have achieved my full potential, whether I think so or not.

"You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

- Yogi Berra

Picture is from Flickr