Monday, January 05, 2009

Hell Hound's Weekday Update: Mugged by a Prisoner from Al-CAT-traz!

---Here's a picture of me getting mugged by the criminal, caught on home security tapes. Write this down, PETA.

Hello odorless, non-edible television device that mesmerizes humans. The unspeakable has happened. Alpha Dog is allowing a criminal to live in our home. It is another CAT, as if the poltergeist feline that lives in the upstairs bathroom was not enough. It gets worse, cyborgs. This weekend I was mugged in my own home by this monster. I encountered him as I was roaming the house. He was hiding in the closet. "Oh, hello there," I said in a friendly manner, wagging my tail. The beast growled curses that can only be dreamed up in cat-ptivity. Then he slapped me across my snoot. I jumped back, horrified.

"I don't have a wallet," I barked nervously, "but my food dish is in the kitchen on the right. Help yourself...Then go on your way. We don't want any trouble...There are small children here."

The creature's eyes glowed in the darkness of the closet and he snickered. "On the contrary, stinky fellow," he said. "Your mother, MY Lady, has taken me in. I live here now and you will abide by MY rules. If you continue your happy-go-lucky, bull-in-a-china-shop habits you will have to deal with ME." The cat seemed to speak in a barely audible growl, and as he formed his cruel words his pink lips hardly moved.
I shuddered and ran. This is probably the worst day of my life, not counting the time I swallowed a visitor's cell phone. Bear Midnight, if you love me, come and fight this cat beast. SAVE ME!
--Here is a mug shot I pulled up on the Internet when I did a background check on this animal. Alpha dog is not aware of his shady past! His real name is unknown, but his credit report shows that he has used the name "Comet." Currently he is calling himself "Mr. Norman Whiskers." My human mother can be easy to fool, I know! There is no telling what this creature is capable of doing to my pack of Christies...


Bear Midnight Miller said...

I wish I could come save you but I am afraid of cars - and of cats, too. After years of barking at every cat that passed by, I tried to be friendly with a cat who came into my backyard and it attacked me. My people chased it away and gave me lots of sympathy. Maybe you are being punished for trying to run away to Russia. Whatever you do, don't ever go to China. They really do eat cats and dogs there.

Elizabeth Kathryn Gerold-Miller said...

Bear did her utmost in speaking up for her friend. I promised to go assess the situation.

Putz said...

that is our jaspher bell and our very own did you get pictures of them????

Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.


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