Monday, December 28, 2009

Remote Control Wars

Milk Man is home from work for the holidays and that means a whole week of Redbox movies. Should I be excited? Yes. Am I? No. Here's why:

Guess who picks out the movies?

Last night I had to endure Body of Lies. Do I like Leo DiCaprio? Yes. Do I like watching him get his fingers smashed with a hammer by terrorists?

Picture me not finding that entertaining. After about five minutes of hearing him scream and covering my eyes, I shout:

"Change it!"

"No, it's just getting good." says my husband.

"Shut it off!" I yell, pulling my head into the case on my pillow.

"NO!" he insists.

So I reach for the remote, but he grabs it too and we wrestle.

God made him stronger, but He made me sly as a fox. Milk Man wins the remote. So, I throw my hands up in air dramatically and march out of the room exclaiming,

"That's enough for me. This is torture. I can't look anymore. How can you enjoy watching this?!"

I retreat to the restroom to find the tissues so I can wipe my tears over poor Leo's fingers. Milk Man is laughing at me. Then I turn mad and he turns surprised.

"It's just a movie." He says, exasperated.

"How can those bad men smash someone so cool?" I slobber the thought all over a tissue.

Milk Man frowns and switches on NBC.

As I sink back down onto my pillow with my tissue box I hear:

"The hills are alive with the sound of music!"

"Ah, a nice movie," I say smiling. (I win!)

Milk Man cringes and mumbles something.

Not even ten minutes pass and he starts rubbing his forehead in frustration. He looks up at the ceiling, over at the door, frowning and whining like a sick dog.

At the scene in the gazebo where Maria and Captain von Trapp declare their love in song, Milk Man jumps up and runs out of the room.

"I can't take this movie anymore. It's torture!" He says.

And I'm left there to wonder:

How did this husband of mine ever graduate from boot camp?


Putz said...

how did you ever find things in common a long long time ago/////////////////////////////////////////?????????????????????

Loren Christie said...

Hi Mr. Putz, I guess we have what counts in common. We're both smart but we follow our hearts.

caitysparkles said...

Oh I can totally sympathize with you, Loren. I don't enjoy those kinds of movies either! Give me The Sound of Music any day! Excellent choice!

Elizabeth Kathryn Gerold-Miller said...

Sounds like a replay of our Christmas Eve. I'm trying to make everything perfect around the tree for the morning and he's laying on the couch flicking on violent movies that totally ruin the mood. They just don't get it.

Anonymous said...

I am blessed with a wife that will humor me and my violent action flicks (and she even ejoys them from time to time, with Inglorious Basterds being the latest that she gave a big thumbs up to). Now if I could only get her to like sports...


Loren Christie said...

Thanks for the comment, G. Alright, I'll tell you what really happened, (these marriage posts of mine are always partly fiction and in truth I am mostly a sweet, wonderful wife which is very boring on paper). I went to the restroom while Leo got his fingers smashed, and came back for the rest of the movie, which was pretty good. I didn't make him sit through The Sound of Music, that flick makes me barf too. I can only take it in small doses- forgive me, Caitysparkles!

Loren Christie said...

P.S. I urge you all to see The Hangover. This comment will self-destruct in 60 seconds.

Anonymous said...

The Hangover was hilarious. I have been having a lot of trouble finding the unrated DVD (which has 100 more photos from the camera) to add it to my collection. Third best film of those I saw in 2010 (behind District 9 and Zombieland)...


Loren Christie said...

Okay G, I wouldn't go that far over The Hangover, but it was VERY funny and the actors were good.

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Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.


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