I Don't Want to Know

Dear Readers,

As you know, the sudden death of Hell Hound has left the Christies in mourning for the better part of three weeks and, as a certified Life Coach, I have been counseling my Lady through her grief. While she does not feign innocence, I am beginning to feel quite alarmed, as she has been blatantly bookmarking local shelters online and virtually stalking certain hounds currently in the prisons.

During yoga I brainstormed ways to keep my life dog-free.

"What you are feeling is hell hound withdrawal my Lady," I told her last night during a session. "Take one antacid and smack yourself hard and fast six times across the snoot. That's what I did the time I licked the booze-laden Christmas jello and started head-butting Hell Hound. It works, I promise!"

However, my Lady was not convinced, and pausing from her Internet prowl of stray mongrels, she expressed her desire for a sloppy Basset Hound. God Forbid!

"I will pack my bags and walk out that door if you bring home one of those AND ...," I began to threaten.

"And what?" my Lady challenged.

"AND I will take my little governess- the pigtailed Christie- with me," I said, knowing THAT would stop her.

"What? No way, Norman!" She insisted. "Besides," she added, "Your little governess wants another dog too. She draws pictures of dogs every day at school."

I gasped at the betrayal, and, sensing the threat of having to live with another hound, I spent my morning yoga session devising a plan to keep my life dog-free.

When those Christies came home from the dinner hunt tonight I heard some strange talk, however, that made me feel a bit uneasy. While my Lady cooked the meatz, she spoke of a handsome, smart, good, furry boy that she met today. AND SHE DIDN'T MEAN ME! She called him Indiana Jones and the little Christies were running around setting things up for his possible arrival. There is a woven basket of balls in the den and some sort of prison crate with a very comfy bed inside. The secret camera that I glued to the little boy's shirt captured pictures of who the family had been conversing with earlier that day. I think I will confront my Lady tonight and ask her if a dog is coming. If this is true, oh sorry day!

-Norman Whiskers

Could this mongrel be coming to ruin my life soon? The newest member of the Christie family might just be Indiana Jones the rescued chocolate Labrador Retriever!