I go about doing what I normally do in the morning, cleaning the bedrooms, but today, Milk Man is following me around the house. He comes into the princess' room where I am twisted in a yoga-like pose trying to reach Polly Pocket dolls, and a Sippy cup from 2007 that is stuck under her bed. He flops on the mattress and leans toward me on the floor. "What are you doing!?" I say, exasperated. He says he's just checking something. I follow his gaze down to my Henley tee that is not buttoned properly. "Come on, you pain in the rear, will you go back to work?!" I say, clutching my shirt. I drag the vacuum down the staircase, and he follows. Next I'm perusing today's newspaper. I come across my horoscope and read it aloud. Milk Man is drinking his coffee in the chair across from me. "Take a break from routines and do something sinfully impulsive." I pause, daydreaming of buying these cool leather boots I saw, and eating a brownie sundae with vanilla ice cream. (I just love the contrast of hot and cold tastes.) Milk man is crunching Cookie Crisps and talking with food in his mouth. Snapping out of my daydream I hear the tail end of his suggestion. " ...I'm sure there's a pole you can use at the firehouse down the road." I'm just staring at this man thinking that little brat, Cupid, really tricked me. "Oh my gosh," I say aloud because kids are around, "I can't even decide what my own sinful impulse will be. This is my horoscope, not yours. You need to go to work," I say, ripping the section out of the paper and stuffing it in my jean pocket, protectively.
I agree with myself that Milk Man will take charge of the kids for a few hours, so I fall asleep on the chair in the front porch. I fall into a dream that I just gave birth to Baby Bigfoot. The nurse covers me with a toasty, white hospital blanket, and hands me a giant... bird. I scream, opening my eyes. A blue jay the size of a cat has landed on the feeder in the porch window, scattering a handful of sparrows in the grass below. Meanwhile, there's a crisis in the den. I shut my eyes again so I don't have to be responsible. It sounds like Milk Man fell asleep on the job, and the princess' water experiment caused a small flood. (She turned on all the faucets in the house for about twenty minutes.) I don't really care right now, because I'm in my favorite chair. Looking down, I see that someone put a big goose-down blanket over me. Maybe Milk Man being off for a long weekend has its perks, after all, I think as he cleans the mess. Maybe I'll even miss him when he's back at work. (I decide not to tell.)