Sunday, October 12, 2008

Hell Hound's Weekend Update: How I'm Doing

Hello odorless, non-edible television device that mesmerizes humans. How am I doing since my vision of St. Francis of Assisi, and the Ghost of My Future, pirate cat? Not well, my friends. I keep trying to control my demons, but I'm losing the battle by the minute. I need to ...CHEW A TEDDY BEAR...or ...STEAL PANTIES...NOW!!!

Today I passed by baby Bigfoot's room and I saw Mickey Mouse sitting on his toddler bed. I swear he was asking for trouble. I wanted so badly to snatch him, and BURY HIM IN MY SECRET BACKYARD HOLE! My hair stood up and I started shaking. Then Alpha Dog approached me and was like: "What do you think you're doing, Hell Hound?" Then I put my tail between my legs, looking all "sad dog" and grumbled, "nuthin." BUT IT WAS SO HARD TO CONTROL MYSELF because right on top of the basket of laundry she was carrying was a pair of dirty socks and some panties. I LOVE TO CHEW THAT!!! I started twitching; it took just about all my strength to be good. Then I flopped down the staircase and threw my body on the couch in the den, where I am currently, trying to meditate. I even put on Alpha Dog's Yoga For Stress Relief DVD, and tried to focus on the poses or soft swish of the ocean waves.... BUT I LOVE TO BITE FISH! The noise made me flash back to last Italian American Christmas Eve dinner at my house, when Alpha Dog made the shell fish. I ate a whole garbage pail of shells while everyone was ha-ha-ing and eating the strange jello, (that I almost snatched off the table, but it smelled like it could kill me), in the living room. I think it's time to call the Crocodile Hunter via a Ouija board. I need help to stop being a bad dog; I promised St. Francis of Assisi!

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Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.


Loren Christie

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