Hello odorless, non-edible television device that mesmerizes humans. How am I doing since my vision of St. Francis of Assisi, and the Ghost of My Future, pirate cat? Not well, my friends. I keep trying to control my demons, but I'm losing the battle by the minute. I need to ...CHEW A TEDDY BEAR...or ...STEAL PANTIES...NOW!!!Today I passed by baby Bigfoot's room and I saw Mickey Mouse sitting on his toddler bed. I swear he was asking for trouble. I wanted so badly to snatch him, and BURY HIM IN MY SECRET BACKYARD HOLE! My hair stood up and I started shaking. Then Alpha Dog approached me and was like: "What do you think you're doing, Hell Hound?" Then I put my tail between my legs, looking all "sad dog" and grumbled, "nuthin." BUT IT WAS SO HARD TO CONTROL MYSELF because right on top of the basket of laundry she was carrying was a pair of dirty socks and some panties. I LOVE TO CHEW THAT!!! I started twitching; it took just about all my strength to be good. Then I flopped down the staircase and threw my body on the couch in the den, where I am currently, trying to meditate. I even put on Alpha Dog's Yoga For Stress Relief DVD, and tried to focus on the poses or soft swish of the ocean waves.... BUT I LOVE TO BITE FISH! The noise made me flash back to last Italian American Christmas Eve dinner at my house, when Alpha Dog made the shell fish. I ate a whole garbage pail of shells while everyone was ha-ha-ing and eating the strange jello, (that I almost snatched off the table, but it smelled like it could kill me), in the living room. I think it's time to call the Crocodile Hunter via a Ouija board. I need help to stop being a bad dog; I promised St. Francis of Assisi!
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