Friday, October 24, 2008

Hell Hound's Weekday Update:T.G.I.F. Folks!

What's up odorless, non-edible television device that mesmerizes humans? Alpha Dog says "What's up" when she talks to the ringing plastic toy that I like to bury. I think that means, "Do you have any dangling food I can swipe?" in English. I can't speak English, because I don't have English muscles in my face, and my tongue is too long and drippy. So I speak Bark. The Christies believe that my native language is evil, and they torture me with the mouth binding device they call "muzzle" when I try to communicate with them. PETA knows about this, and sent me an email stating they will send lobbyists to Washington D.C. to push for a law banning "muzzle." I want to go on a frenzy around my neighborhood, finding muzzle and destroying ALL, but PETA says I must be patient and not do anything crazy.

What's new you ask? Cyborgs, it's been a long week. I had jet lag after my trip to Russia and was so sick from eating the Russian goose. I should have known I would barf-barf, because that bird brain was shouting "Ja zhenat!" and would not hold still when I tried to swallow it. I just looked that up in my Russian dictionary and it means "I am married." Well, I wouldn't have eaten him if I knew that, (just kidding, he's poultry).

Anyway, in other news, I'm still watching the Animal Planet Channel, and I love the Crocodile Hunter show. In fact, I think I might be a croc for Halloween this year. Then I can make biting random neighborhood kids in the rear, and swallowing their bags of candy, part of my costume. Alpha Dog says if I'm bad this Halloween she's going to give me a Baker's Chocolate Cocktail. I bark, "Bring it on, Biatch." (She can't understand me when I curse in Bark, and that's the word I always use in the chat rooms so I don't get blocked, so it's all good.)

Here's my crocodile costume, (below). If you like it please comment for me on the Cat Halloween Contest Site at: The more comments, the more chances I might win something to chew. (Dog Bloggers: I'm no traitor, Cats are usually very cool.)


Bear Midnight Miller said...

Hell Hound, I voted for you. Cats cannot be scary no matter how hard they try. I really do not like cats but I have had to get used to them. I am really too old to let them bother me anymore. I am still a good watchdog though, and will protect my people on Halloween.

Hell Hound said...

Thank you Bear Midnight, my knight in shining armor. Maybe we could meet sometime and eat pasta together like that cartoon romance flick. The Christe pack sent me to the vet for a lobotomy operation when I was still a pup. They say I'm "fixed" from it, but what do they know!? Alpha dog doesn't want me internet dating, but I'm my own dog, and you only live once. Are you over six months old, because I don't want to be sent to the pound by Dateline NBC.

Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.


Loren Christie

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