Loren Receives Parenting Award On a Random Thursday

This morning starts out as a disaster, from my perspective. I make a bad parenting decision before I take big brother to the bus stop. I decide to answer a work-related phone call when I'm half way out the door. "I just have a three-second question" turns into a ten minute conversation. When I hang up, the princess is feeding baby Bigfoot the dog's Kibble n' Bits, big brother has spilled orange juice all over his shirt, the dog is upstairs eating the cat's food, (Yes, readers, I have a cat too, and like Hell Hound, she's also a headcase.) The cat is pissed; I mean that literally. As you might guess, I'm running around, washing the baby's mouth out at the sink, handing big brother a new shirt, retying shoes, throwing coats at kids, and yelling like a frustrated Drill Instructor ordered not to curse, to get everyone out the door.

Miraculously, we make it to the bus stop on time. After waving goodbye to big brother and hugging and kissing in a "family sandwich" until the bus driver is impatiently frowning, we walk back to the house and get into the car. I'm off to my job as an Ambassador to Chile. (Just kidding, that was for my Facebook friends from high school/college.) I mean I'm off to Target to buy a mop and garbage bags. (But I am still a very cool and interesting adult. Really!)

I buckle baby Bigfoot and hop in the car. I'm pulling out of the driveway when the princess starts screaming: "You forgot to buckle my seat belt!"

"Oops, I did it again." I say, no allusion intended. I keep forgetting to buckle the kids into their car seats lately. Luckily, they are safety cops, yelling at me before I encounter real police. I snap the princess into her seat and she smiles. "Thanks, mom. I claim you the BEST MOMMY IN THE TOWN." See, Britney Spears, it's that easy.