Saturday, November 01, 2008

Hell Hound's Weekend Update: Midnight Tinkle Near the Garden of Good and Evil

I DID IT! After my lady went to bed last night I read her post, and saw that she was too tired to take the picture of the cemetery at midnight. So I concocted a plan to get her up out of bed. At ten minutes to midnight I started howling at her bedside, and was smacked in the head by several shoes that seemed to fall from the sky. Then I started pacing and clicking my claws on the wood floor, until I heard her start to grumble. Next I let some stink bombs rip through the bedroom, and she and the one she calls Milk Man turned on the light and started cursing me. I took that verbal abuse so that you readers and PETA could see a picture of the cemetery at midnight this year.

As soon as my lady took me downstairs, I snatched her camera and started galloping like a horse. I pushed the screen door open and crossed to the back of the yard, stopping only briefly to tinkle. I did not make eye contact with the statue of St. Francis of Assisi, (I do not want any trouble). My lady was sprinting after me in her pajamas, yelling something about her camera. She finally caught up with me and I took a smack in the rear for my valiant efforts. (PETA, if you're reading this, write that down.)

Then I went to the back of the fence and started howling like my ancestors, the GREAT hell hounds of the past. My lady tried to muffle my midnight dog song with her bare hands, then her peanut brain finally realized my motive to inspire her to take the picture, and not let the Halloween tradition end.

"Okay, ALRIGHT, Lassie on Crack," she said. (I consider that a compliment.)

Then she climbed up the fence and took a picture for you. Here it is. Do you see any ghosts?

As a reward for my Lassie-like efforts, I'm accepting treats in all forms, cooked or raw, (live chickens welcome), at my Post Office Box. Email me at for my full address.

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Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.


Loren Christie

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