Should I fear HELL?
"Obviously, not," I snorted, "My mother named me Hell Hound. Sounds like a place where I might meet my eight brothers and sisters." Then I wondered, ...."but what if 'HELL'...is a synonym for THE POUND? I hate that place. I DO want to be saved from there!" I barked.
The humans glanced at each other, and grinned. "Read the pamphlet," they said, "and if you'd like to learn more, please give us a call."
"Whatever," I barked. Then I tried to run past them. The tall male human grabbed me and put me in a snoot hold. "He must be one of PETA's soldiers, to know a move like that." I figured.
"Alright, Alright!" I barked. "I'll read the Should I Fear Hell book." As I turned through the pages, the humans smiled and nodded. A few paragraphs into it I shook my head. "Oh, see, no way," I barked. "I can't do this." (No repetitive barking prayers, no celebration of birthdays, no stealing or biting...) I pushed the book back to them with my paw. "Thank you, but I'm already being raised by a Catholic, and that's hard enough." I barked.
So then I did something I never thought I'd ever do in a million years. I, Hell Hound the dog, trotted home. The Christies never even knew I had left. I figure, they already saved me once from the pound, so my bet is that this is just about the only home in the world where I can raise Hell myself without getting executed. Now I'm writing my own pamphlet with the help of Microsoft Publisher. It's called: WHY THE DEVIL SHOULD FEAR ME... By Hell Hound. Look for it on the NY Times Best Seller list this Spring.