Thursday, January 15, 2009

Hell Hound's Weekday Update: Hypocrisy!

Hello odorless, non-edible television device that mesmerizes humans. It is with a heavy heart that I write to you tonight. The things I witnessed these past two weeks: the betrayals, the hypocrisy, ... it's enough to drive a dog mad.

First Alpha Dog loses her mind on her birthday and brings home a cat from the prison. This creature, "Norman," is extremely annoying. He doesn't like to play freeze tag, nor will he share his cat food with me. He's got this stuffy English accent and I keep telling him,

"You're from Long Island, New York you twit, you're not fooling anyone."

Oh, but Alpha Dog, his LLLLLADY, is smitten alright! She bought him a jeweled collar and you know what she got me?! She threw out my Kibbles and bought freakin' IAMS dog food for fat dogs. That's right. She put me on a diet. Can you believe this $%*#?!

Anyway, I'm running away, (as soon as it gets warmer and I can collect enough money). If I call this number on the back of the Watchtower literature that was stuck in the screen door, I'm guessing they'll send a car to pick me up. I just have to disguise myself as a human and agree to some Bible study classes. No biggie.

- Hell Hound


Putz said...

i just knew, just knew norma, norman, was english, so how is he , she there in an itialian home????

Bear Midnight Miller said...

I knew she was playing favorites with that cat. It's so unfair. We are loyal for all these years and they get new pets and forget all about us. Unless something needs to be blamed on someone! If something smells it's always us. If food disappears it's always us. On Monday night my little people left the lunchmeat on the table after making their sandwiches and I thought it was a treat for me. The Big Man of the house has not yet forgiven me because now they have to eat peanut butter for the rest of the week - and he didn't even get a sandwich out of it. How was I to know?

Elizabeth Kathryn Gerold-Miller said...

Bear, you knew quite well all that meat wasn't for you. You just get away with it when noone is looking. You wait until we walk out of the room and pounce up on the table. I don't even know how you do it - you suddenly get the energy when there is something you want. That was very very naughty of you. This week's meat will be guarded carefully. And you'd better stop inciting Hell Hound.

Hell Hound said...

Bear is BUSTED by his mom! Poor dog. Call me on my mother's cell and I'll teach you how to steal the Sunday morning deli egg sandwich with ham and cheese. It's so worth the scolding, especially when there is bacon in it. Licks to you, my big hunky Bear!;)

Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.


Loren Christie

Be Our Guest!

Be Our Guest!
Come tour the John Scudder Havens Historic Homestead at 15 Main Street, Center Moriches, NY. Click on the picture for more infomation.

Search This Blog