Monday, September 22, 2008

What I Learned In School:Coming of Age As the Cold War Ends

Girls who play with blocks get marriage proposals. (Sorry Jason, I just wasn't ready to commit.)

First Grade:
The Justice System is flawed. Punching boys gets you in trouble, even if they did look down your shirt.

Second Grade:
Set the bar lower, and you'll get reward spots on a giraffe. Next time, to SECURE my spot, I 'll be sure to demonstrate how to make onion dip for the class, instead of writing and illustrating my own poem.

Third Grade:
While gluing cotton balls to a plate that will form the face of Santa Claus, the teacher informs us that he doesn't really exist. Thanks for clearing that up; I'm a better person today for knowing the truth.

Fourth Grade:
Nine Year olds can predict the results of an election. (Reagan beat Mondale in our class election.)

Fifth Grade:
An Act of God,(Hurricane Gloria), can ensure up to two whole weeks of no school. God is Great.

Sixth Grade:
Don't play Spin the Bottle with ugly people.

Seventh Grade:
Leave me alone; I'm trying to figure out this Rubik's Cube.

Eighth Grade:
Bad things happen when you soak your hair in lemon juice, slather on baby oil, and sun bathe.

Ninth Grade:
I am the hottest thing since sliced bread.

Tenth Grade:
Boys are evil. Thanks to Rave (super hold) hairspray, my hair defies gravity, and stays in place, even in tornadoes.

Eleventh Grade:
A person can fail a road test three times and still get a driver's license in NY state.

Twelfth Grade: Did this year happen? ....Um, ... Oh, -Took extensive course at Taco Bell.

College, Undergraduate:
Complete Works of Shakespeare, USED: $135. 99......Watching your English professor dramatically act out excerpts of Hamlet with a heavy Indian accent: PRICELESS.

College, Graduate Degree:
Diploma= PAY RAISE!

Oh, Was I supposed to remember the curriculum?

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Dear Internet Traveler,

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.


Loren Christie

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