Hello, I am Big Brother. I am five years old and a U.S. citizen. Therefore, I am qualified to run for federal office in this country. If you elect me for president, here's how I will fix the Economy:
1. Replace Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson and Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke with Scrooge McDuck.
2. Start a $300 billion government works program focused on expanding my bedtime. It's time for a new New Deal.
3. Create a blankee guarantee for all kindergartners. If we were allowed to sleep for a few hours at school, then maybe I could come up with better laws. I hear that places like Ireland have granted blankee guarantees.
4. Revise the $700 billion bailout plan (or TARP) so that it just doesn't buy clean Huggies for mortgage company CEO's, but directly helps recapitalize my piggy bank.
On the playground the word is that I'm not officially advising any policymakers right now. However, I'd like to make public that the princess and I are attending Mother Goose Hour this weekend at the library, and almost certainly will be giving "informal" advice to any and all takers.
VOTE PRINCESS/BIG BROTHER '08 (on our blog poll) Thank You For Your Support!
2 comments:
Hilarious! He's got MY vote!
Thank you, grown-up named Tony. I'm accepting donations for my campaign via my toy ATM machine, coins only, please. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! If I am elected, I will point you out in the audience during my first State of the Union address, and praise your patriotism. (I hope your patriotic.... What does that word mean, anyway?)
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